tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-182908352011-11-05T01:02:38.538-04:00There are some words in the English language that convey profound meaning through their sheer ambiguity. Assclown is one of them.tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.comBlogger1801100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-58273479242087765242007-07-18T05:12:00.000-04:002007-07-18T04:52:14.852-04:00

Did you know that you can paid to blog? Really. All you have to do is sign up with a service like payperpost.com or Blogitive and post about selected products. I was dumfounded when I realized how much I could and should be making from this otherwise fruitless endeavor. Thus, I have accepted a commision from the tourism industry to promote international travel. Now don't get the idea that I've

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com58tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-17738897989263807152007-07-12T17:47:00.000-04:002007-07-12T18:26:55.787-04:00

Remember back in 2004 when George W. Bush and his handlers were desperately searching for an excuse to invade Iraq. It's interesting that nobody of any significance has yet to ask why we're really there. Regardless, part of the "justification" that was provided to the American people was that Iraq was trying to obtain WMD. Of course, none we're actually found, but one of the myths that were

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-13964959832634426012007-07-11T21:20:00.000-04:002007-07-11T21:14:49.649-04:00

It appears that I've become quite the matchmaker lately, since things between Sassy Blond and Doodoo Brown have gotten serious. Consequently, as an ordained minister, I will be the officiant at their wedding and have prepared the following vows:Reverend TFG: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness an event of an unparalleled holiness: The matrimony of myself and the reception's open

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-39540790786473538752007-07-08T18:16:00.000-04:002007-07-08T21:09:29.331-04:00

I consider myself to be an honest person, sometimes brutally so. I have a deep dislike of people who lie to me and I usually know when this is happening. Thus, most salespeople are already pre-qualified for my personal Douchebag Bin sight unseen. The reason why I mention this is that I've spent the last two days car shopping.In my mind, the customer/salesperson relationship is one of pure

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-82658879785701457962007-07-05T06:43:00.000-04:002007-07-06T05:12:17.330-04:00

Yesterday, I was talking to my father on the telephone. True to form, we covered one of my favorite topics; the state of my inheritance. Despite the fact that I constantly remind him that daily eating is unnecessary and that doctors are for pussies, he still manages to squander my fortune at an alarming rate. In this instance, he informed me that he spent approximately $600 on lawnmower

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-38698768013561813942007-07-03T05:33:00.000-04:002007-07-03T05:36:56.286-04:00

Observed in Baltimore city yesterday. :

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-53418641857301543332007-06-24T13:08:00.000-04:002007-06-24T14:08:07.701-04:00

If you aren't from Baltimore, this won't make a bit of sense. If you are from Baltimore, the same should hold true.Emo KidsA cloud hung over the local scene,and some had been adjudged too mean.Others may have been quite vain,and now suffered the mortal pain.Oh, the anguish. Oh, the grief.This injustice is beyond belief.Curse the grievous injury,from those who refrain from "Yay for me!"Marshal the

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-47547139118395813062007-06-17T22:51:00.000-04:002007-06-18T11:33:43.572-04:00

Ask any old-timer about what is wrong with the youth of today and you will inevitably hear the same complaint: Youngsters nowadays have nobody to look up to. Celebrity icons such as Brittney Spears, Barry Bonds, Tom Cruise, and Eminem can hardly be portrayed as good role models for the younger generation. You would think that with all of the media hype that permeates our culture, there would be

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-23404422604530446792007-06-13T00:35:00.000-04:002007-06-13T00:22:19.737-04:00

I've been rather busy lately. Consequently, this post will provide a veritable cornucopia of crap: 1. New RobotPictureThingy. I'd like to thank Corn Dog for the new and improved robot on my profile picture. Notice that the robot is now smoke free, as am I. Nice bit of photoshopping there:2. Yuppies in da Hood. Silly white folks, nobody said being edgy was going to be easy. The people down there

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-45813625520318960002007-06-06T06:04:00.000-04:002007-06-06T06:27:20.314-04:00

First, we had Karyn Bosnak who is credited with creating the phenomenon of cyberbegging. She was a 20 something TV producer who turned to the worldwide information super-tubeterwebs for financial assistance. As you may already know, Bosnak created a website where she solicited small contributions to accommodate her $20,000 in high interest debt.In that tradition, we had The Greedy Pig Wishlist

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-21137121055695703502007-05-31T22:34:00.000-04:002007-05-31T22:16:08.956-04:00

Last weekend, I returned to Baltimore via Louisville International Airport aka Standiford Field. After clearing security, I spied a teen aged boy sporting an offensive, yet amusing t-shirt. I smirked and thought, "Wait and see how funny it is when they don't let you on the plane with that." We were both walking through the concourse in the same direction, when he joined a group that was

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-43970640241529493162007-05-29T22:47:00.000-04:002007-05-29T23:07:48.289-04:00

The Queen of Hyperbole introduced the internet to a new word that was created by her kindergartenering daughter. The Princess's discovery was: Fuckorama. Upon discovery, she proceeded to proclaim it loudly about the playground, which is what any one of us would have done given the same circumstances.Unfortunately, the post left us hanging because the Princess of Hyperbole has yet to provide a

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-90175602525202141302007-05-25T05:29:00.000-04:002007-05-25T05:27:00.133-04:00

I had planned to leave the previous post up over the holiday, to allow you to contemplate one of the more visible signs that capitalism is clearly running amok. Sure, American society is careening headlong into an economic catastrophe of unmatched magnitude. And, yes, within the next 25 years, I believe that the world will see levels of warfare and famine sufficient to make Revelations look like

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-55857778587627117152007-05-23T20:38:00.000-04:002007-05-23T20:31:07.194-04:00

This is what I mean when I say things like corporate campaign contributions (and public stupidity) have rendered the American public impotent at the voting booth. Currently, we have a newly minted Democratic majority in Congress. Yet, the petroleum oligolopy is confident enough in its purchased power to undertake some of its most blatant gouging ever. The following chart shows the monthly,

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-78749718855005920662007-05-21T23:34:00.000-04:002007-05-21T23:14:22.045-04:00

As I've mentioned, I started a new job recently and, so far, the job has turned out to be fairly copacetic. So, last week, I agreed to do some part-time work for a former employer. In fact, I giggled like a little girl at the prospect of referring to myself as a consultant. The hilarity was short lived due to an emergency at my primary job that has been requiring me to work 12-16 hours/day. Thus,

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-64397564150449469312007-05-13T21:25:00.000-04:002007-05-14T07:08:43.613-04:00

I hope you don't take offense, but I'd like to kill you. It's not that I have anything against you personally, it's just that I want to kill every single thing on this planet, with the exception of dogs. Now, you are probably thinking that this just sounds like a typical day in the life of Mr. Sunshine-Rainbows-and-Kitten-Farts, but I can assure that is not the case.The cause of current foul

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-8854094341425822322007-05-09T22:05:00.000-04:002007-05-10T04:30:51.281-04:00

If you follow Malnurtured Snay's blog, you know that he is about to graduate from Towson University with an English degree. In fact, he'll be celebrating this accomplishment by attending graduation commando with his tassel tied in a most inappropriate manner. When the dean hands him the diploma on stage, I suggest that he make the sheepskin exchange a quid pro quo proposition, to liven things

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-10447134353393375432007-05-06T16:34:00.000-04:002007-05-06T16:25:42.670-04:00

Today, I will tackle a question that has been plaguing humanity for centuries. No, I won't be providing the meaning of life (I've already taken care of that on myspace), but I can assure you that it will be just as enlightening. As the title of this post alludes to, I am trying to determine whether certain females truly believe that size is important.Obviously, it's not just a simple matter of

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-12937410746166836862007-05-01T21:37:00.000-04:002007-05-01T21:24:41.521-04:00

No matter what I do, I can't stop going back to The Ramblings of a Sassy Blonde to see this picture:I predict that doggy shopping is in my immediate future.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-43292688353162990012007-04-30T12:21:00.000-04:002007-04-30T20:38:56.035-04:00

Remember the good old days, when you'd have to sneak off in a disguise to a seedy part of town to purchase your orgy butter. Apparently, door-to-door dildo sales have arrived:The sign clearly states, "For Women Only." I am curious as to why my doubledong dollar isn't as good as the next gal's. Oh well, I'll guess I'll stick to the dull, traditional romantic gifts like wine, flowers, and

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-81566193407149377802007-04-25T21:21:00.000-04:002007-04-25T21:06:32.222-04:00

Here's a quiz for you:If you have a $100k/year job, 25 years of seniority, and nobody really makes you work too hard, do you:A. Lay low and ride it out until retirement and pension disbursement?B. Bust your ass and set an example for the less experienced guys?C. Threaten a coworker with a knife over foolishness?C is the correct answer--welcome to my world. It gets better, though.If you are

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-44026531209363200272007-04-22T20:29:00.000-04:002007-04-22T20:19:58.418-04:00

For years, I did what they said couldn't be done. Much like Thomas Edison or the Wright brothers, I ignored the naysayers and persevered. No, I didn't discover electricity or flight. I didn't something infinitely more difficult. I had intimate relations with live, attractive, human females on a twin sized bed. Moreover, the degree of difficulty of this feat was magnified by the fact that I had

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-57361985593851961522007-04-18T05:25:00.000-04:002007-04-18T05:09:37.593-04:00

In lieu of PA system at my workplace, we have a plant wide radio system. I overheard the following on one of the maintenance channels:Mechanic1: How long until we can turn the hydraulics back on?Mechanic2: I need a part first.Mechanic1: What do you need?Mechanic 2: I need a dual connected fluid conveyance apparatus.Mechanic1: What?Mechanic2: I need a dual connected fluid conveyance

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-34101481052266885172007-04-15T16:10:00.000-04:002007-04-15T16:04:05.975-04:00

Depression is a malady that affects over 18 million Americans a year. Some people deal with feelings of sadness by self-medicating with illicit drugs or alcohol. Of course, this only provides a temporary solution, the problem still remains after the individual sobers up. Counseling has proven to be therapeutic for some who suffer from depression--having a trained professional listen to your

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-69698951841274318932007-04-09T17:19:00.000-04:002007-04-09T17:15:54.661-04:00

I'm sure that most of you are familiar with those lame motivational posters that are a decorative staple of many mid-level managers. It's also quite likely that you've seen the Demotivators® series of posters, which spoofs the motivational posters. The Demotivators are funny, but I've come up with several potential additions for them:I'm glad that I could serve as an inspiration for you all. What

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-5582809491622375102007-04-02T05:51:00.000-04:002007-04-02T05:43:38.477-04:00

I have previously discussed the fact that I'm too stupid to be Jewish and too white to be black, although I may be black enough to be K-Fed. Nevertheless, the marketing geniuses at Verizon have decided that I can handle being Korean:Don't get the idea that I'm ridiculing Koreans. I would be honored to be part of any race or nationality so advanced that it can communicate via anthropomorphized

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-4520345292460477402007-03-30T15:25:00.000-04:002007-03-30T15:24:51.602-04:00

Having read An American Geisha for several months, I'm beginning to realize that their is more to eating than merely shoving food into the hole in the front of my head. Thus, I've written a restaurant review:Yesterday, I had to go to pickup a required item for my new job from a store on Russell St. in Pigtown*. On the return trip back to I-83, I was driving down Washington Blvd, when I noticed

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-3405049792715239282007-03-29T13:31:00.000-04:002007-03-29T13:20:29.980-04:00

I wonder if the Maryland MVA would issue a vanity plate that said: FUCKWIT.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-18439613343644918522007-03-26T11:34:00.000-04:002007-03-26T11:32:52.276-04:00

As you probably hadn't noticed, I haven't posted for an entire week. It pretty much escaped my notice, too. As it turns out it, I spent most of last week at an inpatient psychiatric facility for treatment of what can only be described as a "psychotic" episode. I'll spare you the sordid details, but you should know that it involved a glockenspiel, approximately 3.03125 liters of Crisco, and a

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-50160721849554610732007-03-18T20:26:00.000-04:002007-03-18T23:16:10.875-04:00

Recently, I've been reading Parenthetically Speaking..., which is a blog written by Serena Joy. Serena is a daily poster who includes a section called Words Gone Wild, where she offers clever, alternative definitions to misspelled words that she runs across. This reminded me of some of the Word of the Day emails that I'd sent to selected coworkers over the past few month. I've included some of

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-75470149390345130602007-03-16T06:11:00.000-04:002007-03-16T15:19:35.494-04:00

Recently, Baltimore blogger Jason J. Thomas posted about having his home burglarized via an unsecured crawlspace. Although, his losses were merely material, having your home invaded leaves an irreparable sense of violation. This is precisely why, when I returned to Baltimore 2.5 years ago, I made certain to live in the suburbs. Before leaving, I'd lived and worked in Baltimore City and had my

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-23373827459410259372007-03-12T11:38:00.000-04:002007-03-12T11:35:02.994-04:00

I was feeling a little artsy-fartsy today, so I wrote about my current transition from being an overpaid prick to becoming a grossly, overpaid prick:Douchebaggery WaningI write these words with utter glee,in a state of ecstacy.My sentence is done, I've been paroled.No longer will I be cornholed.Please don't think of me as crass,but the time has come to kiss my ass.Don't be timid, don't be meek,

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-10053663563741324272007-03-07T07:41:00.000-05:002007-03-07T07:52:16.470-05:00

In a recent post, Mighty Dyckerson has proclaimed that he has finally found the woman of his dreams. Much to my amazement, she doesn't need to be inflated or wear a maskless football helmet. Dyck has even given her a pet name, which would be "Miracle Ass." Here is an excerpt of his devotion to her:Ladies and gentlemen, I want this ass with every fiber of my being. If this ass were in my home, I

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-64876164385633475632007-03-04T17:00:00.000-05:002007-03-04T16:45:49.217-05:00

Recently, I have become aware of a brilliant tool for psychological evaluation invented by Kira, which I have taken the liberty of naming Crankometrics. This technique consists of tabulating the contents of the subject's brain in a graphical manner and its application is described in depth in her post: What Lurks Inside. Despite the hindrance of not knowing anything about most of these people,

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-91085536365654364062007-03-01T06:46:00.000-05:002007-03-01T10:25:26.552-05:00

Nevermind. See comments

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-34851130379367243902007-02-26T08:14:00.000-05:002007-02-26T08:56:25.047-05:00

I can tell you the exact moment when I "switched teams." It was last Friday night. I was driving home around 10:45 PM when I realized that I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I called in a carryout order to the Bamboo House in Cockeysville, which is a restaurant and bar. I had ordered from there before, but never on a Friday night.My first clue that something was amiss was that there was little parking

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-17767558080676359342007-02-22T09:22:00.000-05:002007-02-22T11:13:57.781-05:00

As they used to tell us in school: Engineers are problem solvers.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-62760657427733555902007-02-18T17:46:00.000-05:002007-02-18T17:56:17.539-05:00

We've all heard how horrible it is to be an aggressive driver. The Maryland MVA has a program which targets aggressive driving and the legislature has even made aggressive driving a crime. Although cell phones and incompetent drivers are still permitted, aggressive driving is becoming the new drunk driving. The problem is: What precisely is aggressive driving? I mention this because I could be

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-6926461594477417232007-02-15T06:34:00.000-05:002007-02-15T07:02:31.660-05:00

I've always wondered why they make wine in a box. Now I know:Yes, that would be saran wrap. Apparently, it can be used for purposes other than birth control. Who knew?

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-43796045746673909462007-02-11T10:59:00.000-05:002007-02-12T07:57:37.958-05:00

Although the primary goal of this blog is crotch humor, I also want it to serve as an educational resource. Unfortunately, a review of my more recent posts indicates that I've been remiss in this capacity. Thus, I've decided to post a brief primer on chemistry, which even includes an instructional experiment that you can use to impress your family and friends. However, to make the most of the

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-61039648787077027052007-02-06T06:36:00.000-05:002007-02-06T06:15:47.168-05:00

I have a coworker who I'll refer to as Engineer 1. He is a mechanical engineer and is, perhaps, my one of my all-time favorite coworkers. Over the last two years, we've been tossed into several flagging projects, typically with the implied threat of termination for failure, and we're both still employed. He has the combination of intelligence and common sense, which is excruciatingly rare.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-77705528615103800702007-01-31T03:55:00.000-05:002007-01-31T03:23:29.584-05:00

This post by ACW reminded me that I had the following picture in my phone:Apparently, Intro to the Internet 1 only covered pointing. Thus, an advanced class is required to introduce clicking. Well, if anything, I certainly feel better about the $1800 that I paid in Baltimore County taxes in 2006.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-66588943520888081202007-01-29T19:49:00.000-05:002007-01-29T19:50:41.652-05:00

Tonight, I finally finished unpacking my suitcase from my Midwestern Christmas trip, which contained some gifts that I'd forgotten about getting. Somehow, I overlooked what is clearly one of the better gifts that I received:As you can see, it's a Pooping Sheep by Midlon Foods. Given the level of sophistication of my sense of humor, they correctly assumed that I'd find this to be the height of

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-70221218752507011152007-01-24T10:39:00.000-05:002007-01-24T20:10:53.938-05:00

Our company has PA system that is tied to the speaker of every deskphone and a series of loudspeakers. It is typically used for paging employees or making company-wide announcements. This morning, I'm sitting at my desk, conveying the image of productivity, when I hear a conversation being carried over the PA system. Apparently, an employee had inadvertently let something rest on the PAGE button

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-46795337278777094532007-01-22T07:18:00.000-05:002007-01-26T13:44:05.303-05:00

Dearest Readers,It is my solemn duty to inform you that my death is imminent. One day last week, I awoke and found that I had pronounced facial swelling and a high fever. At first, I thought I was coming down with the flu, but when I looked in the mirror I saw otherwise. A small scratch had evolved into a sizable head wound and both eyes were swollen nearly shut. I hadn't seen my body react to

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-27487174794895671672007-01-15T05:37:00.000-05:002007-01-16T00:38:04.141-05:00

Saturday, I called a friend of mine who also happens to be a sporting probability broker. It was well before the kickoff of the Ravens game, so I was still able to place a wager. I don't gamble on sports much anymore - this was the first game I bet on this season. To my defense, I did compare the teams' stats during lunch on Friday and suspected that Baltimore's offense would probably flounder

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1400425225578210322007-01-08T17:49:00.000-05:002007-01-08T18:10:48.703-05:00

But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is that they will put the smack down on your simple ass:Here is the video:By extension, this means you obviously shouldn't mess with guys who have Tigger sheets, either.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-21966629265340350992007-01-03T22:23:00.000-05:002007-01-03T22:43:24.367-05:00

I read the following in an article on Yahoo News tonight:TOKYO - Toyota Motor Corp. is developing a fail-safe system for cars that detects drunken drivers and automatically shuts the vehicle down if sensors pick up signs of excessive alcohol consumption, a news report said Wednesday. Cars fitted with the detection system will not start if sweat sensors in the driving wheel detect high levels of

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-77611975017087784892006-12-20T06:18:00.000-05:002006-12-20T18:19:22.077-05:00

I saw this magnetic tag on a truck in one of BWI's parking lots yesterday. The picture hasn't been photoshopped in any way. This could be better than Asian massage parlors or topless maid services:

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-39222479175309572382006-12-17T17:29:00.000-05:002006-12-17T17:04:27.969-05:00

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Dong Star, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.In response to the ominous threat

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-74463012353984926932006-12-15T00:14:00.000-05:002006-12-15T00:11:37.707-05:00

I'm not a particularly religious man, but on the on the other hand I'm not a complete idiot either. Consequently, there have been situations where I thought that God or whomever was talking directly to me and today was one of them. The object of the day was to travel to North Carolina for an interview with a corporate psychologist of a prospective employer.This should have been simple - go to the

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-57217533028906882022006-12-10T19:31:00.000-05:002006-12-10T20:39:41.257-05:00

The following e-mail was sent to all of the employees at my workplace. This is particularly troubling because I work in suburban Baltimore. The only portions that have been edited are in blue italics. From: Office Refrigerator AdministratorSent: Thursday, December 07, 2006 11:27 AMTo: AllSubject: MEAT IN THE FREEZER/ENG. REFRIGERATORAll,There is meat in the freezer outside XXXXXX’s office. It is

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-4017421667353054152006-12-03T23:08:00.000-05:002006-12-03T23:05:56.175-05:00

In my last post, I included the following disclaimer:I'm speaking figuratively, of course. If any of this wacky shit shows up at my house/workplace, I will come visit you personally with the EZE Castrator Kit. Merry Christmas. Of course, I thought that such a warning was an unnecessary precaution, since it should be readily apparent that I was joking about the contents of the post. However, after

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1164684762108089292006-11-29T06:49:00.000-05:002006-11-29T06:38:38.056-05:00

Although the holiday season is supposed to be a time for relaxation and benevolence towards our fellow man, it often turns out to be a relatively stressful time of the year for many people. As Christmas looms closer, many are overcome by a sense of urgency that becomes overwhelming. Thus, as a service to you, I have simplified one of your more significant holiday tasks: Deciding what to buy tfg

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1164769810954582212006-11-28T22:07:00.000-05:002006-11-28T22:15:15.706-05:00

And here’s to you, Mrs. RobinsonJesus loves you more than you will know(Wo wo wo)God bless you, please Mrs. RobinsonHeaven holds a place for those who pray(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)We’d like to know a little bit about you for our filesWe’d like to help you learn to help yourselfLook around you, all you see are sympathetic eyesStroll around the grounds until you feel at homeAnd here’ to you, Mrs.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1163539029416185122006-11-16T11:15:00.000-05:002006-11-16T12:43:14.830-05:00

Last Friday, I had surgery to correct a hernia and, as a result, blog topics have been few and far between. Fortunately, I'm certain that we are united in our fascination with my crotch, so one more post on the subject seems to be in order.The surgery, itself, was fairly straightforward--at least the little that I remember. The anesthetic that they used knocked me unconscious with blissful

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1163185939732756552006-11-10T14:09:00.000-05:002006-11-10T14:12:19.793-05:00

I'm thinking posts will be sporadic and influenced by potent opiated analgesics for awhile.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1162864580002418792006-11-06T21:02:00.000-05:002006-11-06T21:00:09.803-05:00

Remember to vote for Bob Ehrlich on Thursday, November 9th. A stronger Maryland depends on it.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1162085918470676322006-10-29T21:35:00.000-05:002006-10-29T22:39:37.560-05:00

Remember this post featuring a large coffee can full of silver change?Well, I followed some of your advice and took it to a Coinstar machine. I figured Coinstar's 9% fee was a small price to pay for not having to count it all. I honestly thought it would amount to about $150. I was wrong:It turned out to be worth about $465. All the cash isn't pictured because I indulged in a rash orgy of

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1161530293068528102006-10-22T23:15:00.000-04:002006-10-23T23:37:02.133-04:00

There is a crisis looming on the horizon that has the potential to adversely the very fabric of our society. Please pay careful attention, because I cannot overstate the gravity of this situation. No, I don't have advanced notice of an impending terrorist plot nor am I talking about an inevitable financial meltdown. No, this crisis is related to matters of a far more serious nature: This involves

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1161052073514671102006-10-17T06:03:00.000-04:002006-10-17T05:21:24.900-04:00

I was looking at list of referrals to this blog on Sitemeter when I noticed that a blog called bagintrees.com had linked to me. This blog is essentially a photoblog that is dedicated to showing plastic bags that have become entangled in urban trees. Most entries consist of a picture of a treed bag and a corresponding Google map providing the photo's origin. Here is the latest post, which

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1160341912993129222006-10-08T20:49:00.000-04:002006-10-08T22:06:02.673-04:00

Every now and again, I will be struck be a idea which is pure genius. In this case, my masterstroke involved the invention of a new form of illumination that can easily be adapted for household use. Basically, the device consists of a thin tungsten wire (or filament, as I like to call it) that is used to conduct electricity in a transparent medium that has been filled with an inert gas. As the

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1159927732843854292006-10-03T22:01:00.000-04:002006-10-03T22:24:08.473-04:00

Earlier today, I was stuck on I-95 and noticed that there are an infinite variety of organizational license plates available from the Maryland MVA. Upon further investigation, I discovered that if you happen to spot three guys within a 50' radius of one another, they are apt to have their own license plate. Somehow, though, MVA has missed a few key organizations, so I have filled in the gaps.The

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1159744632890488902006-10-01T18:57:00.000-04:002006-10-01T19:17:12.943-04:00

As may have guessed, I'm not big on trends or pop culture. I've never seen American Idol, Gray's Anatomy, or Deadwood. I don't own an iPod or know how to use the bluetooth earpiece that came with my phone. As far as I'm concerned, Brittany Spears, Kelly Clarkson, and Justin Timberlake are the same, inconsequential, person. Since I'm oblivious to current fads, I need some explanation. I'm as eager

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1159231374003507892006-09-25T20:30:00.000-04:002006-09-25T20:42:54.080-04:00

The following pictures were forwarded to me today. I wish I had this kind of time.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1158718063669016872006-09-20T05:51:00.000-04:002006-09-20T06:01:54.776-04:00

As noted on many of your blogs, yesterday was Talk Like a Pirate Day. I must admit that this internet holiday caught me be surprise, but I think that this is a great institution. Not talking like a pirate, of course, because that's dildolic, but the practice of making up improptu holidays throughout the year. Thus, I have been inspired to declare my own internet holidays. Please mark your

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1158467602919077482006-09-18T12:18:00.000-04:002006-09-18T00:09:48.630-04:00

I have come to a juncture in my life where I am forced to make a major decision. No matter which path I choose, significant change will be involved. For weeks, I have known that I will have to resolve this situation, yet I haven't been able to muster the emotional wherewithal required to do so. Finally, I have reached the point where I can't afford to put this off any longer. If I don't act and

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1158111995482987722006-09-13T06:53:00.000-04:002006-09-13T06:57:10.096-04:00

Yesterday, on the Mighty Blog, I read one of the gayest blog posts that has ever been written. And I don't mean the good kind of gay that brings us Fashion Week, track lighting, and hip clothing. I mean the other kind of gay. I'm talking about the I-just-found-out-that-my-newlywed-wife-is-really-a-man-who-is-mighty-skilled-in-the-use-of-kleenex-duct-tape-and-estrogen kind of gay. In the

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1157826993795435512006-09-09T15:12:00.000-04:002006-09-12T22:38:56.933-04:00

As I was perusing Blogtimore, I found this post by Malnutured Snay:When I went to Klein'’s for draino, the girl who checked me out (as in, "“the checkout lane"”) commented, "“I like your shirt."” (Of course, I guess she checked me out as she checked me out).I'’d forgotten what shirt I was wearing so I just sort of stammered a "“Oh, thanks!"” while my brain contemplated two things: one, what shirt

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1157507006211121072006-09-07T22:14:00.000-04:002006-09-07T22:44:14.683-04:00

Earlier this evening, I was talking on my cell phone when I heard the telltale sounds of a car wreck outside my apartment. Not wanting to miss the chance to gawk at freshly mangled humans, I headed out to the yard to have myself a long look. As soon as I heard my apartment door lock behind me, I realized that I didn't have my keys on me. To compound the situation, I just commenced my semi-annual

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1156904760794247282006-08-29T22:15:00.000-04:002006-08-29T22:37:29.910-04:00

I'm due overdue for my annual salary review at work. Somehow it has been decided that a copy of my resume was required for the process. Since they have lost my original resume, I was asked to provide one. I forwarded it to my boss and recieved this e-mail:-----Original Message-----From: TFG's BossSent: Monday, August 28, 2006 5:00 PMTo: TFGSubject: RE: Emailing: resume-TFG.pdfThanks, you didn't

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1155007925702983712006-08-28T06:54:00.000-04:002006-08-28T06:09:46.823-04:00

Several weeks ago I applied for a job in Indianapolis. After several successful phone interviews, they decided they wanted to interview me, in person, at their "Corporate Headquarters" outside of Detroit. So, two weeks ago, I took a day off and flew to Detroit. The rental car lots are all off site, so I had to take a shuttle from the airport to get my rental. As soon as I got on the shuttle, I

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1156474336416603122006-08-25T05:49:00.000-04:002006-08-25T06:02:12.860-04:00

Earlier today I was perusing Money magazine's list of 100 best employers. I was more than a little disappointed to see that my current employer, Rent-A-Retard, didn't make the list. Nevertheless, I did hit paydirt when I found this:Obviously, the prospect of working for a Fortune 500 company that is riding the 17 year patent protection/price-fixing profit rocket must be more lucrative than my

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1156124427887918912006-08-22T21:16:00.000-04:002006-08-23T17:40:26.450-04:00

Much like herpes, I come and go but you can't get rid of me. So, where I have been for the last 2 months? Well, you won't be surprised to learn that I was kidnapped and forced into sexual servitude by a busload wagonload of Mennonite dominatrixes. I will spare you the sordid details, but I can tell you that I'll never be able to look at a butter churn without becoming somewhat aroused.Alright,

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1151626773121030882006-06-29T21:17:00.000-04:002006-06-29T22:14:18.580-04:00

A critical part of the job hunting process is the interview. This is when the prospective employee and employer really get to size each other up. In order to stand out from the other candidates, it's important that you are mentally prepared for the interview. Fortunately, as a service to you, I have provided a list of common interview questions and answers that you can give to ensure that you get

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1151464136396222642006-06-27T23:11:00.000-04:002006-06-27T23:10:04.566-04:00

Today, I outdid myself. Overnight, the electricity to my apartment must have temporarily gone out. Thus, I woke up at 8:30 AM to an alarm clock blinking 12:00. We are supposed to start working at 8:00 AM, so I was already late. I got into the shower with the feeling that I was forgetting something. Regardless, I showered and went to get dressed when I realized that I'd forgotten to transfer a

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1151184464818730852006-06-25T20:07:00.000-04:002006-06-25T19:41:42.176-04:00

As you may know, Mightonimous "Mighty" Dyckerson is the father of The Mighty Blog, countless illegitimate livestock, and Dyckerson Enterprises Worldwide, which is a trusted name in the Amish homoerotic publishing industry. Clearly, Dyckerson is a busy man. When he graciously takes time out of his busy schedule to perform a public service, we should take heed.In an effort to make the Internets a

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1150343714428819622006-06-14T23:10:00.000-04:002006-06-15T07:31:46.036-04:00

As I have mentioned before, my father and I aren't particularly enthusiastic about holidays. Particularly when it comes to exchanging greetings card. We traditionally exchange previously used cards, where we have replaced the prior sender's writing with our own. For instance, here is the last birthday card that I sent to him.Today, I realized that Father's Day is this upcoming Sunday. It's

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1150259287827187532006-06-14T07:20:00.000-04:002006-06-14T21:48:05.373-04:00

I used to think that I spoke English. Not perfect English, mind you, but I always felt that if I had to communicate with someone from another English-speaking nation, I could do so. What I've found is that this may still be true, so long as that person isn't from England.This week, I am in Minnesota on business and I am working closely with an English engineer. On the whole, he's pretty sharp,

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1150039141426050862006-06-11T00:55:00.000-04:002006-06-11T12:58:20.023-04:00

Over the last nine months, I've noticed a distinct pattern in the blogosphere. When a blog begins to "die" the symptoms are fairly predictable. First, the posts become increasingly less intelligible and/or funny. Next, the frequency of posting decreases, until, finally, the blog goes into permanent limbo. I attribute this process to the blogger realizing the internet's true purpose, which is

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1149645939956733072006-06-06T21:52:00.000-04:002006-06-06T22:05:40.020-04:00

I don't attribute much biblical significance to the date, as I don't attribute much significance to the Bible. Nevertheless, Revelations 13:16-18 states:Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead, so that no one can buy or sell who does not have the mark, that is, the name of the beast or the number of his name

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1149547535198197982006-06-05T18:32:00.000-04:002006-06-05T19:18:15.453-04:00

Let's say you are a manager and you have an employee that has been busting his ass. Let's say your employee has been working 50-60 hour weeks, with absolutely no extra compensation and only took 3 days off in May (none of which were on the Memorial Day holiday). Do you:A. Figure out how to get him a sigificant raise?B. Give him some bonus vacation days?C. Figure out how to reduce his workload, so

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1148864992266375512006-05-30T21:19:00.000-04:002006-05-30T21:42:34.730-04:00

Aside from the major oil companies, if there was ever a corporation that was in need of some good old fashioned trust-busting, it is Verizon. Their stranglehold on the cellular phone market is evident in their predatory practices and piss-poor customer service. In my opinion, the only reason for using them is the quality of their coverage, particularly in rural areas, which I occasionally find

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1148742689599463252006-05-27T11:28:00.000-04:002006-05-27T11:44:31.783-04:00

I have managed to con Verizon Wireless into moving up the date that I am eligible for their "New Every Two" program, which provides a $100 credit towards a new phone every two years. The problem is that there are about a billion different phones to choose from. I definitely want a camera on the new phone and I haven't completely ruled out a PDA-type phone. Thus, I am looking for recommendations

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1148606187134431412006-05-26T06:09:00.000-04:002006-05-26T06:40:24.500-04:00

If you are wondering, the Auschwitz Diet is approximately in its 8th week. I say approximately, because I made a conscious effort to eat more than 500 calories/day, once I reached 165 lbs, which was 2 weeks ago. However, as you can see in the table below, it hasn't worked out that way, so I'm 3 lbs under the target weight. Initial WeightFinal WeightNetWeek 1-8 185 lbs162 lbs-23 lbsOne factor

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1148358336877648652006-05-23T05:05:00.000-04:002006-05-23T06:57:04.556-04:00

Once, while looking for a dog at the Humane Society, I found one that looked like a winner. I took him out of his kennel and was walking him around when he stopped at another kennel and wizzed directly on another dog. Instead of being shocked or angry, I was thankful. In that instant, the dog had told me everything I needed to know, I didn't need to waste anymore time on him. This doesn't happen

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1147648002416216102006-05-17T06:40:00.000-04:002006-05-17T06:54:46.353-04:00

As you probably know, the search for novel alternative energy sources is underway, in earnest. This can be attributed tothe fact that the earth's petroleum-based resources are finite and are most likely dwindling. In fact, President Bush said that, "We are addicted to oil," in his State of the Union address and it is rumored that Vice President Cheney's has been caught abusing himself while

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1147454580744047282006-05-12T13:09:00.000-04:002006-05-12T13:23:00.773-04:00

Time: 11:45 AMPlace: WorkNosy Coworker: Where are you going?Me: Home.NC: Do you mean to lunch?Me: Nope. I'm going home.NC: It's only 11:45. Did you take half a vacation day?Me: Nope.NC (irritated): How can you do this?Me: Easily. I get in the car and drive home. It's OK, I told the engineering secretary.NC: I thought you were real busy.Me: I am. Insanely so, but I hit 40 hours yesterday and I'm

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1147344728634453692006-05-11T06:28:00.000-04:002006-05-11T09:03:41.576-04:00

It's 6:20 AM, and I'm at work. I've been here since 6:00 AM and I'll probably leave at 7:00 PM. Despite the fact that it's only Thursday, I've already worked 40 hours for the week and I will most likely work 12 hours on Saturday. Considering, I'm salaried and not hourly, this bites the proverbial big one.When I got here, I had e-mails either assigning me more projects or asking when current

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1147019880646550722006-05-07T12:31:00.000-04:002006-05-07T12:43:09.656-04:00

If you have read any of my anti-corporate rants/posts, you may think that I'm a pinko-commie-liberal-hippy-Jerry loving-tree hugging-dope smoking-tinfoil hat wearing-conspiracy theorist. Although you might be correct, I strongly urge you to read Hostile Takeover by David Sirota. It is a non-partisan discussion of how corporations have used the campaign finance process to entirely circumvent

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1146797026693068282006-05-05T07:51:00.000-04:002006-05-07T12:46:44.346-04:00

Yesterday, Broadsheet posted a link to an interesting article about couples who choose not to marry, but instead maintain seperate households. The couples interviewed for the article inferred that they made this decision in order to preserve there own spaces. These people seemed very happy with the arrangement and, personally, I really don't care what people do so long as it's consensual.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1146631306626201132006-05-03T08:10:00.000-04:002006-05-03T10:25:14.146-04:00

Yesterday, in Assclownopolis Circuit Court, the nefarious Mr. Orange was found guilty of first degree murder for his role in the gruesome death of Mr. Green. The linchpin of State's Attorney Fool's case was this damning piece of forensic evidence:Following a brief deliberation, the guilty verdict was delivered by a jury of Mr. Orange's peers.Upon receiving the verdict, the Honorable TFG made the

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1146427613493226062006-04-30T17:24:00.000-04:002006-04-30T17:21:32.416-04:00

I am entirely disgusted with the illegal immigration "debate" that is going on in this country. This is another scheme in an seemingly endless train of legislative initiatives designed to increase corporate profits, at the expense of the American people. Non-enforcement of immigration laws or creating a guest worker program is nothing more than an attempt to depress wages and further the policy

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1146186613592975452006-04-28T05:38:00.000-04:002006-04-28T08:03:57.783-04:00

As I've mentioned before, I suspect that I have ADD. I have never been officially diagnosed, but the last time I looked at the DSM-IV, I had just about every symptom. I am not convinced this is a disease, but I have noticed that it does cause me to do things differently than other people. When I watch TV, I don't watch a particular show, I watch all of them. If someone is with me, I'll surrender

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1146009657164935272006-04-26T08:54:00.000-04:002006-04-26T08:59:10.726-04:00

I've got nada.1. Auschwitz Diet: Week 3Initial WeightFinal WeightNetWeek 1185 lbs177 lbs-8 lbsWeek 2177 lbs174 lbs-3 lbsWeek 3174 lbs171 lbs-3 lbsTotal-14 lbsOn Saturday, I realized that I couldn't stomach another Subway sub. Additionally, I had doubts all along about the how accurate Subway's calorie count was. Instead, I've switched to two bottles of Ensure High Protein (240 calories/bottle)

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1145875225799250492006-04-24T13:37:00.000-04:002006-04-24T13:30:13.796-04:00

If you have read any of this blog, I think we can agree that my New Year's resolution to become more sensitive has not yet reached its full potential. Additionally, it has recently come to my attention that my skills in matters romantic may be lacking. Since I am a firm believer that one should address their deficiencies head on, I decide to take action. I figured the best way to learn the ways

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1145727229809226052006-04-22T16:27:00.000-04:002006-04-22T22:44:37.040-04:00

Let's say that you wanted to do a little something different this Christmas and give the gift of hydrocarbon. What you would do is contact your broker and buy one NYMEX Division light, sweet crude oil futures contract. Once the contract expired, you would arrange for delivery of your 1000 barrels of crude oil.If you actually took delivery of the crude oil, you would be in the minority. Less than

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1145632923508513132006-04-22T09:10:00.000-04:002006-04-22T09:10:08.533-04:00

Does having sex (with an adult, you perverts) on Winnie the Pooh sheets make me a deviant? I'm just wondering.Updated: 4/22/06Per Cham's request (see comments), I have posted the picture that she requested.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1145491738283271052006-04-20T06:29:00.000-04:002006-04-20T06:30:20.646-04:00

As I mentioned last week, I am doing an experiment where I try to limit my daily caloric intake to 500-600. This value is in the range that is estimated to have been provided to Holocaust victims by their Nazi captors. Per the load scale on our docks at work, Wednesday's weight was 174. The results, to date, are as follows:Initial WeightFinal WeightNetWeek 1185 lbs177 lbs-8 lbsWeek 2177 lbs174

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18290835.post-1145411234312204312006-04-19T07:10:00.000-04:002006-04-19T07:30:15.353-04:00

With all of the focus in the contemporary workplace on productivity and efficiency, it is easy to overlook the significance of professionalism in business communications. Not only is this true of discourse, but also with respect to modern mediums such as e-mail. It is important to remember that the opinions of your peers and superiors are formed, in part, on the basis of these exchanges.

tfghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07791116307693444845noreply@blogger.com10