Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Helpful Blizzard Hints

When a blizzard is impending and your obligatory trip to the supermarket for milk and TP is unsuccessful, I have provided a useful hierarchy of TP alternatives, to be used in a pinch:

1. Paper towels
2. Kleenex
3. Ravens section of Baltimore Sun Paper
3. Bounce sheets - Eliminates static cling, also
4. Eddie Bauer catalog - This would be ranked higher, if not for the glossy pages
5. Baltimore City Paper - It's free for a reason. This is it.
6. Coffee filters
7. Use Depends - They're not just for the incontinent, anymore. Some of us people are "convenience" users.
8. Shower curtain
9. Furry, slow moving pets
10. The elderly - Sure they'll be offended but in 15 minutes all will be forgotten.


At 12:56 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Or, as my mom used to say, "Just use your hand and wash well."

At 3:27 PM, Anonymous eBill said...

If you stuff the Depends with the Bounce sheets first you don't have to change them as often. Just a tip.

At 1:40 AM, Blogger elcapitanhink said...

I'd like to be the first to suggest the PennySaver; softer bond and convenient sheet sizes--the personal ads being reserved for the Coup de Gras.

and yes, ACW--much as they say in Arab lands:

"Shake the hand by the left."

At 12:15 PM, Blogger paige3girl said...

I have a 9lb maltese... that little white f-er would be in trouble at your house!

At 3:34 PM, Blogger Cham said...

I'd reverse the paper towels with the kleenex. During the famed dearth of TP during the blizzard of 96 I first engaged the use of facial tissue for my sanitary needs. When I ran out of facial tissue softness I ravaged the kitchen for the quicker picker uppers. Unfortunately, if you can't get to the store to buy toilet tissue you also can't get to the store to buy soothing healing lotion for the ass rash you receive after copious wiping with paper towels.

At 10:58 PM, Blogger Linda linda said...

I am willing to lift some foley catheters from our unit's supply closet if the market is demanding. They even come with a fashionable leg strap.


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