Sunday, November 13, 2005

Going To Take An Excremental Journey...

Sweet Jesus. Although I am new to blogging, I never realized how many bloggers have a problem managing their own or their dependent's bodily functions. For instance on Nov 9, Karla gives us Karla, Poop Detective and today we get, His bowels move in mysterious ways, which imparts a vivid description of gravity defying dung. She also provides a Scratch-N-Sniff picture, to quash all doubters. Next, I went to the Common Wombat's blog only to find Toilet Humor, Part One, in which he details scatological observations made while baptizing the Baby Ruth in public restrooms. Of course, had Wombat read Ms. Froggy's blog, he could have used some of the proper terminolgy in his classification scheme. At Dating With A Vengeance, we learn of more bodily functions gone horribly awry and gain a little insight on why she's still single. (Desperation and poop are both turnoffs, most single women wisely deny knowledge of either.)

Clearly, we are dealing with an excremental epidemic on par in seriousness with the Asian Bird Flu or even silicon implants. By my estimation, if immediate action is not taken, the problem will expand exponentially until all blog entries will consist solely of the word poop. Fortunately, I have made a technological breakthrough in the field of Ass Management: The PoopMiser 3000.

As you can see, the PM3000 is a sleek masterpiece in fluid mechanics. It features the latest in rugged slide-gate technology to provide unparalleled protection from even the most heinous of fecal fusillades. Yet, with all of its raw stopping power, valve actuation is suprisingly effortless, making the PS3000 the perfect gift for the elderly or special needs customer. A stylish pressure gauge is also included to remove any ambiguity that is commonly associated with the process. For the technophile, the gauge can be replaced with an Analog Transducer Option that allows real-time pressure/flow data logging and allows complex statistical analysis. Be the first guy on your block to be able to compute the standard deviation of your defecation.

Superior design makes the installation of the PM3000 a snap. Our patented BumHugger® technology provides significant surface area to which you can apply Velcro or an adhesive of your choosing. The large diameter of the inlet pipe ensures that you won't have to deal any embarassing seal leaks. In fact, a larger inlet pipe diameter can be specified upon ordering, allowing the accomodation of even the gayest of customers. With very minor modifications of clothing and furniture, you'll never even know the PM3000 is there. So order your PM3000 today. It is an investment that is guaranteed to pay off in the end.


At 4:00 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Ha ha! You meta-blogged about poop on the same day I did.

At 8:03 PM, Blogger Arctic Skipper said...

I wandered over from Karla's blog, and just wanted to say that I am completely in awe of your brilliance. Are you taking orders??? Sign me up!

At 9:29 PM, Blogger tfg said...

Thank you. I always think the same thing when I read Karla's blog.

At 11:30 AM, Blogger karla said...

Damnit man, you're a genius! Hell, even the phrase "excremental journey" is genius, never mind the genius invention you pulled out of that smartypants brain of yours. Someday you will be studied in grade school textbooks right along with Thomas Edison Benjamin Franklin.


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