Thursday, December 08, 2005

Interesting Conversations I

This is what is almost certain to be a recurring series of interesting conversations that I have overheard or participated in recently.

Scheduling Conflict Overheard between two coworkers:
Coworker1: "Do you know if XXXXXX will be in today?"
Coworker2: "I don't know. Check the calendar."
Coworker1: "What directory is that in, again?"

Coworker2: "If it was up your ass, you'd know where it was. Maybe, we ought to put it there so we can avoid having this conversation every morning."
Coworker1: "Maybe so...."

Father/ Son Bonding My father and I were driving when passed by a teenager in a new BMW.
Me: "Godammit. Why won't daddy buy me a brand new BMW?"
Dad: "Well, son, it's because you're an asshole."
Me: "Oh, yeah. I always get that mixed up."

Shop Talk Overheard between to shop employees on break.
ShopGuy1: "She wanted it bad, ya know? But I wasn't getting up. It was that good."
ShopGuy2: "Damn, you a fool. She fine"
ShopGuy1: "That's what I'm talking about. She was mad as hell but I don't care."
ShopGuy2: "She gonna throw that thing out when you at work."
ShopGuy1: "She better not. I'll kick her ass. My new Lazy-Boy is da shit. You know what I'm saying?"

Phone Sex We have 2 Office Weird Guys at work. One is in the process of divorcing his insane, 350 lb wife. She frequently calls the extension of a common work area phone, because it has no voice mail, and screams at anyone unfortunate to pick it up. This call was taken at 5:30 PM, which is after hours.
Me: "XXXX Department. Can I help you?"
OWG1's X: "Put my ex-husband on the phone right now or I'll have you arrested"
Me: Looking around for co-workers and spotting none. "Excuse me?"
OWG1's X: Screaming. "If you don't get him right NOW, I'm calling the police!"
Me: "Wow. You're pretty sexy when you're angry. So, uhhh, what are you wearing?"
OWG1's X: "What? Where is he?"
Me: "XXXXX told me all about you. He says you're a naughty one."
OWG1's X: "Who in the hell is this?"
Me: "Call me Spanky. Are you wearing that sexy pink moo-moo from the pictures?"
OWG1's X: Click.


At 7:35 PM, Blogger Ticket 4 Two said...

Are you for real? If you really said these things you are my hero. If you did not than you are still my hero becuase your brain works in such amazingly twisted fashion that one can only aspire to achieve. Thats all.

At 8:32 PM, Blogger tfg said...

No. I only participitated in the conversations that have the word "Me:" in them, the rest were simply overheard. They are true, to the limits of my recollection.

The story about OWG1's ex-wife is actually pretty sad. She is utterly insane and has made his life pure hell. OWG1 is a very self-conscious and moral person, in his weird way. He is deeply ashamed over her frequent calls and other things that she has done.

At 11:39 AM, Blogger paige3girl said...

ha ha ha ha that just made my day!

At 10:26 PM, Blogger NPR Junky said...

Oh, the coworker wife conversation was priceless. I would pay you to come answer the phone for me at my office, I kid you not.


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