Adventures in ADD

As I've mentioned before, I suspect that I have ADD. I have never been officially diagnosed, but the last time I looked at the DSM-IV, I had just about every symptom. I am not convinced this is a disease, but I have noticed that it does cause me to do things differently than other people. When I watch TV, I don't watch a particular show, I watch all of them. If someone is with me, I'll surrender the remote control so they don't lose their mind. When I use a PC, I'll have 5-10 windows open and the Alt-TAB combination is my preferred keystroke combination. In general, I don't think it causes me any hardship and I am doubt I will ever seek medical treatment for it. However, sometimes it causes me to do fairly idiotic things.

Wednesday night, I came home from work and turned the kitchen light and nothing happened. It is a two-tubed fluorescent light that is mounted on the ceiling. I figured it was probably a bad bulb, but when I went to Lowe's, I also bought a replacement ballast, just in case. I got home and replaced the bulbs. I flipped the switch with no results. I fiddled with bulbs and repeated the process several times, but the new bulbs wouldn't light.

This meant that the ballast was probably bad. I retrieved the new ballast from the shopping bag and observed this warning printed on the side of the box: DANGER - DISCONNECT POWER TO BALLAST AND FIXTURE BEFORE INSTALLING. I thought to myself, "No shit, sherlock. If you don't know that in the first place, you shouldn't be screwing with it." What they really mean is that you should throw the circuit breaker before disconnecting the ballast's wiring. Being a jackass, I sneered at this and thought, "That's silly. That's what the switch on the wall is for. After all, electricity is my bitch." Yeah, right.

Actually, my reasoning would have been sound for a person without ADD, because they would have undoubtedly paid attention to what position they left the wall switch in. I, on the other hand, did not. I climbed the ladder and undid the wire nuts for the power to the light. I noticed that the exposed portion of the hot wire was corroded. So, I stripped the wire back and then touched it with my hand. My other hand was on the grounded metal of the fixture and that's all that was required to complete the circuit. If you are scoring at home, here is a schematic of the circuit:

Luckily, I was able to get off the hot wire. This was accomplished easily by falling off the ladder. Or, maybe I should say by falling through the ladder, because I ended up straddling the second highest rung with each leg. If you've ever ridden a boy's bike and fallen on the crossbeam then you get the idea. Regardless, unless you dream of a career with the Vienna Boy's Choir, I can't recommend it.

I did manage to get the light fixed and it turned out to be only the corroded wire. One day, I'm sure that I, too, can look back at this and laugh. Probably after the swelling in my crotch subsides.