Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I, the Jury

Yesterday, in Assclownopolis Circuit Court, the nefarious Mr. Orange was found guilty of first degree murder for his role in the gruesome death of Mr. Green. The linchpin of State's Attorney Fool's case was this damning piece of forensic evidence:

Following a brief deliberation, the guilty verdict was delivered by a jury of Mr. Orange's peers.

Upon receiving the verdict, the Honorable TFG made the following statement, "Mr. Orange, I find that you are a danger to
gelatinous society. The lack of remorse displayed during this hearing shows an utter contempt for gummy life. Therefore, I am handing down the maximum penalty allowed by the law: Death by Electric Plate. May God have mercy on your partially hydrogenated soul." Mr. Orange showed no emotion upon hearing the sentence. Following sentencing, the execution was conducted immediately at the Assclownopolis Correctional Facility.

Mr. Orange was pronounced dead at 8:23 PM, Tuesday, May 2rd, following an examination by Assclownopolis Coroner Jenny Tullwartz. No memorial services are scheduled.


At 8:55 AM, Blogger Broadsheet said...

You are one scary MF. Funny - but scary.

Now go take your medication.

At 9:09 AM, Anonymous fool said...

Ah, I smell the sweet sent of justice in the air: burnt sugar.

I hope that Mr. Orange's death services as an example to the rest of the Gummy Bear community. Murder will not be tolerated.

At 9:11 AM, Blogger Jen said...

Wow this makes Peep jousting look a lot less exciting.

At 12:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is too nucking futs.

At 12:32 PM, Blogger Stephaine said...

The sad part is now I want to try this.

At 1:40 PM, Blogger tfg said...

broadsheet-Thanks, I think.

fool-Justice is swift in Assclownopolis, no?

jen-I am not familiar with Peep jousting.

anon-Not so much.

stephaine-It's actually kind of difficult. I had planned to use a spare light ballast, but gummi bears aren't very conductive. I had to resort to more dangerous tactics.

At 1:42 PM, Blogger johnny dollar said...

mr wizard has nothing on you, sicko :)

At 2:19 PM, Anonymous JennyGags said...

I'm glad you didn't pick on Mr. Pink.

[obscure Reservoir Dogs reference]

I peeped my daughter's car this year on Easter and it was hysterical. Maybe next year it will be orange gummies.

At 2:48 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...


At 4:50 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Jenny Tullwartz? Is she any relation to the Coroner A. Nell Wartz?

At 6:23 PM, Blogger Double Dogged said...

That is funny. Good job. Now only if our own American Justice
System could be so swift. It would save the taxpayers a lot of money.

At 6:47 PM, Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

I'm against capital punishment. He should've been confined to a shrink-wrapped plastic bag for the rest of his life.

At 8:53 PM, Blogger Arctic Skipper said...

No green gummies on the jury? That's racial, man, racial!

I agree, you'd totally kick Mr Wizard's ass.

At 6:22 AM, Blogger funny thing said...

Thanks for your (very obscure) comments. Always happy to humour a complete weirdo for fear of being bitten.

At 7:46 AM, Blogger tfg said...

j$-Thanks. I've never actually seen Mr. Wizard, but i seems I should check him out.

jennygags-Resevoir Dogs is one of the few movies that I've liked.


ACW-Yes. The Tullwartz family is well known in all of the forensic medicine circles.

dd-Actually, I oppose capital punishment for people. The results of Project Innocence have convinced me.

dyck-Perhaps, but think how lame that post would have been. Sometimes , even candy has to take one for the team.

arctic skipper-The green one's partiality was questionable, due to the color of the victim.

ft-No worries about being bitten because I charge for that kind of thing.

At 11:34 AM, Blogger Charles said...

Dead, don't you mean melted, or nearly vaporized. LMAO

At 3:15 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Dude, Mr. Orange was totally sentenced to death by me.

At 5:04 PM, Anonymous Jennifer said...

I hate myself for saying aloud "oh my god" when I scrolled down and saw the actual execution.

At 9:04 AM, Blogger Antonio said...

lol funny post.


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