My Crotch = mc2

As you probably know, the search for novel alternative energy sources is underway, in earnest. This can be attributed tothe fact that the earth's petroleum-based resources are finite and are most likely dwindling. In fact, President Bush said that, "We are addicted to oil," in his State of the Union address and it is rumored that Vice President Cheney's has been caught abusing himself while gazing lustfully at the Oil and Gas Journal. Clearly, our very way of life is in jeoprady if a viable source of energy can't be developed. Fortunately, I have discovered a unique source of alternative energy that I'm certain will go far in the alleviation of these problems and far more.

Oddly enough, I discovered this new source of energy source will doing my laundry. If you look closely at the following pictures, you'll notice that a common characteristic is evident:




As you can see, the fabric of the pictured clothing has failed in precisely the same area. The garments were all made of cotton which is a fairly durable material. Thus, the only logical conclusion that I can arrive at is that my crotch is emitting high-energy radiation which has caused the premature decay of the clothing. A preliminary survey of the relevant scientific literature, such as the Textile Research Journal and The Illustrated History of Johnson Jousting, allowed me to estimate the relative strength of the radiation. I have included an electromagnetic spectrum for reference:


Of course, I will only use my new abilities to further the causes of good. I believe that my crotch will be a boon to homemakers everywhere, since tanning, boinking, and cooking can all be combined in one visit. Additionally, I think that this ability will provide a unique means of developing dental x-rays. My next step is to determine the mean wattage produced and then devise a suitable collection device. Here is my preliminary prototype of said collector: