Give Until It Hurts

First, we had Karyn Bosnak who is credited with creating the phenomenon of cyberbegging. She was a 20 something TV producer who turned to the worldwide information super-tubeterwebs for financial assistance. As you may already know, Bosnak created a website where she solicited small contributions to accommodate her $20,000 in high interest debt.

In that tradition, we had The Greedy Pig Wishlist from Standing Cheese, where he facetiously solicited contributions from his readers. Next, Malnurtured Snay has turned to the same medium for assistance with $4000 in credit card debt. This post has stirred quite a bit of controversy in the Baltimore blogging community, as people debated the ethical ramifications of Snay's request. Personally, I think it's great that Snay is asking for money, so long as the contributions are purely voluntary and used in the manner that he prescribed.

Consequently, I am also turning to cyberspace for assistance. Believe me, counting on the generosity of strangers is no easy thing. I rarely ask anyone for help, so I hope that you can appreciate how humbling this process truly is. What I need you do to is to dig deep into heart and donate a vagina. Hopefully, enough of you will recognize the nobility of my cause to allow me to achieve my goal of 4000 vaginas.

Although, I'm known for my flexibility in these matters, I must ask that you comply with the following stipulations:
1. All contributed vaginas must be at least 18 years of age and, preferably, human.
2. Please refrain from contributing borrowed, purchased, or rented vaginas. You must have the express, unconditional rights of ownership and, in certain circumstances, a title may be required.
3. I reserve first rights of refusal on all contributed vaginas, particularly with respect to any donations that have been associated with Mighty Dyckerson. Any refused donations may be sold on the secondary vagina market.
4. I reserve the right to use all contributed vaginas in any manner that I deem fit. While unlikely, potential applications may include, but are not restricted to; pencil holders, flower vases, heroin transportation contrivances, model rocket launchers, or umbrella stands.

You are probably wondering how I got to this point and the answer is; poor vagina budgeting. I simply let things get away from me until I was 4000 vaginas in the red. Sure, somewhere around the -500 vagina point, I realized I was in trouble, but I figured that I'd be able to change before things got out of hand. Never did I envision that it would begging strangers for 4000 vaginas. To put things in perspective, 4000 vaginas laid end to end is approximately the volumetric equivalent of 3 Grand Canyons or 0.614 Karlas.

Now, you're probably thinking, "What about the starving children of Africa? Aren't they more deserving of my charity than TFG?" The answer is no. For one, what are starving children going to do with truckloads of vaginas? It's food that they really need, so unless they plan to use said vaginas as burrito warmers, this would be counterproductive. Besides, it's an overabundance of vaginas that got them into that mess. If anything, those little fuckers should be sending me vaginas.

Thus, it is hard to imagine a worthier cause, so make your donation today. How many of you have an unused vagina around the house that is just sitting around collecting dust? The sooner that I receive your vagina, the sooner I can put it to good use. Thanks for your contributions in advance.