I've been rather busy lately. Consequently, this post will provide a veritable cornucopia of crap:
1. New RobotPictureThingy. I'd like to thank Corn Dog for the new and improved robot on my profile picture. Notice that the robot is now smoke free, as am I. Nice bit of photoshopping there:
2. Yuppies in da Hood. Silly white folks, nobody said being edgy was going to be easy. The people down there are there because they have to be. You are there because you want to be. Being a color-coded have in an ocean of have nots is none too clever. I sincerely hope nothing bad befalls you, but if it does, I suggest the following epitaph, "Black people really liked me. Well, most of them did."
3. Treblinka Diet. As some of you remember, I performed a dietary experiment last year where I only consumed 500 calories/day. I affectionately named the experiment The Auschwitz Diet, because it was a book about concentration camps that spawned the experiment. The experiment went on for 8 weeks and I ended up losing about 25 lbs.
It has taken a year to gain most of that weight back. At work, we have a pool of 12 who have entered an 8 week contest to see who can lose the most weight, relative to their initial weight. The entry fee is $100 and my initial weight is 180 lbs. I'm going up against some real big guys (300lbs+), but because the contest is based on relative weight loss, I think I've got it in the bag.
4. Assclown. Apparently, archenemies aren't just for superheroes anymore (Unless drooling is now considered a super power.) Regardless, my pain has a name and that name is: SnackDouche. Here is a photo of SnackDouche in action:
Note what lane SnackDouche is in while driving at 50 mph on the intersate. Traffic is not bad in this shot, but at least once a week for the last several months, I've run into a large backup that he has created by blocking the left lane while barely doing the speed limit.
Once, I got close enough to him to see that he was doing it intentionally. He'd speed up to stop anyone from passing on the right. After 15 minutes of this, I was sufficiently pissed to pass him in a left hand exit lane. SnackDouche never saw me until it was too late. He tried to stop me from getting back in, but I don't believe Utz trucks are built for such things. Now, whenever SnackDouche sees me, he tries to cut me off or block me from passing. I've developed several strategies for getting by him, but eventually he's just going to plow into me with that goddamned thing. I should stow pepper spray and a tub of sour cream dip in my car for that eventuality.