Friday, February 17, 2006

Random Crap

It's random crap.

- When other people refer to posts in this blog, I find that they mistakenly refer to me as Assclown. In the interest of accuracy, I must point out that the name is TFG. Of course, that isn't my real name or even the initials of my real name. My real name is Atomic Wanker. My parent's couldn't think of anything else.

- I have received an e-mail regarding the decreasing frequency of my posts. Fear not, I have not lost my love of blogging. That's because I never really had one. The truth is that my employer has caused me, as they say in the Midwest, to be busier than a one-armed pivot man at a circle jerk. They have given me a year's worth of projects to complete and only six month's in which to do so. As we get closer to June, my use of the internet will become increasingly restricted to ordering stimulants from illegal online pharmacies and looking at my new favorite type of porn.

- Speaking of e-mail, I have decided to adopt the Hinkybox policy. Thus, I won't post the content of the e-mail or your e-mail address on here. Unless, of course, you are a real fucknut, in which case I'll post all of the above, your credit report, and any naked pictures that I deem relevant.

- I don't keep real good track of these things, but I think I have new neighbors. The reason why I've noticed is that I've been awakened by loud noises that sounded like someone was seriously hurting a small dog. Normally, I don't care what people do in the privacy of their own homes. However, I like most dogs more than most people, so I was quite prepared to call the police the next time it happened. Which was tonight, but they had the window open making it more distinct. I was glad I didn't call anyone when I heard the "dog" shreak, "Harder. Oh, Jesus. Harder. OoogyOoogyOooogy. Oh, Jesus. Harder. OooogyOoogyOoogyOoogy...etc." WTF? Who in the hell says "Oooogy?" (This is a rhetorical question.) I wonder if duct tape would be an appropriate housewarming gift?

- My father's birthday is next week. Dad and I aren't real big on holiday traditions. For instance, we tend to exchange used cards. We simply cross out the inappropriate holiday verbage and write in the proper text. Then, we strikeout the sender's name and add our own. Unfortunately, I don't have any used cards that I'm willing to part with and using a new card would be bad form. Here is what I came up with instead.


At 7:38 AM, Blogger elcapitanhink said...

Your penmanship makes me turgid. In a purely platonic sense, of course.

At 10:26 AM, Blogger paige3girl said...

oooogy?? That's hot.

At 10:34 AM, Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...


Well...whatever get's her rocks off.

At 10:34 AM, Blogger Jen said...

Mr. Coffee is a real stand up guy. Always remembering birthdays and special occasions and whatnot.

At 11:24 AM, Blogger karla said...

This is unrelated to the post, but why haven't I put you on my blogroll yet? And did I ever tell you your comments on my site are so funny they make me pee? Or maybe I just have a weak bladder. At any rate, you're going on the blogroll now.

At 7:58 AM, Blogger tfg said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 8:00 AM, Blogger tfg said...

josh-That's calligraphy compared to my cursive, which I can't even read.

p3g/idlereceptionist-Yes, ooogy. Loudly, at anywhere from 11PM to 3AM. I have a friend with a bullhorn, which I may have to borrow.

jen- This is true, Mr Coffee's always been good about these things. I only wish that he'd quit having his way with Mrs. Butterworth when I sleep. Cleaning up all that maple syrup is such a chore.

karla- I wasn't on your blogroll already? Now, I'm pissed. I may have to make good on my threat of getting you that lesbian prison penpal.


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