Sunday, February 12, 2006

Valentine's Day Gift Suggestions

As you probably know, Valentine's Day is swiftly approaching. Due to the hectic pace of Baltimore life, I know that some of you still haven't purchased your beloved's gift yet. As a service to you, I, Mr. Romance, have compiled a brief list of prospective Valentine's Day presents that will show your beloved that they are special.

Gifts For Him:

A new wristwatch makes an excellent gift for any man. Swiss watchmaker Tag Heuer is a world leader in the manufacture of quality chronographs. The Tag Heuer Aqua Racer Series combines style and functionality in a sleek package. This watch features a stainless steel body with a sapphire crystal lens, which is impervious to scratching. The hands are diamond set and luminous allowing the watch to be read in complete darkness. A steel screwdown crown and caseback allows submersion of the watch up to 300m. The chronograph provides both elapsed timing and lap-time functions on the inlaid dials. Due to Tag Heuer's legendary craftsmanship, this is a gift that he is guaranteed to enjoy for years.

If your fellow likes golf, he will love a set of Big Bertha drivers from Callaway Golf. The Big Bertha Titanium 454 Series features a pitch range of 8-15°, a lie of 56°, and a face angle that varies from square to 4° closed. The club head is constructed of lightweight composite materials that allow superior club speed to be generated which produces longer drives. A 454 cubic centimeter clubhead allows for a very forgiving sweet spot that will ensure that all of his drives will be straight on course.

Think of how much quality time you will spend with your sweetheart with a pair of Baltimore Ravens season tickets. With this gift, you are guaranteed at least 7 home games, with the possibility of more depending on playoff results. With club level seating, you can watch all of the action and still enjoy unrestricted access to heated lounges that feature wide screen TVs. Food and beverage service is also available at your seat and concierge service is available. This is a gift that he'll look forward to all year long.

Gifts For Her:

If you have a lady who likes to workout, this is the perfect gift for her. She will have hours of fun in the sun with a Toro Recycler Personal Pace Lawn Mower. This model comes with a 6.5 HP Tecumseh engine which will provide sufficient power to cut the wettest grass, enabling operation even in heavy rain. It has a Personal Pace® Rear Wheel Drive self-propulsion feature, but it is easily defeated with the removal of a single belt. This model also has a rear discharge bag which will prevent any stray lawn clippings from getting into your beer while you are supervising from your lawn chair.

Are you tired of continually being reminded to put the seat down whenever you use the restroom at home? If you're like me, you call it a win if you can remember to put the lid up first. Well, you can eliminate this unneccessary source of contention with How to Pee Standing Up: Tips for Hip Chicks by Anna Skinner. Since self-help books are currently in fashion, your beloved will appreciate this "cool" contribution to your relationship.

Clearly, patience on your part will be initially required. Thus, you may want to consider giving a second gift of a Spot-A-Pot rental, until she has mastered all of the subtle nuances associated with her new skill. Rest assured, that there is nothing like a brisk February morning to promote mastery.

Valentine's Day can be stressful for guys on a tight budget. We all know how trying it can be when you are forced to constrain your affirmation of unbridled love by a matter as trivial as money. Well, you don't have to spend hundreds of dollars to let that special someone know that she is the One. Sometimes the gifts that are most meaningful are the gifts that you make yourself. Thus, for the price of a McDonald's breakfast and a Taco Bell lunch, you can give her a present that she will always remember. There has never been a truer adage than: Nothing says lovin' like a massive Dutch Oven. You will be her romantic hero once she hears of the time and forethought that you have put into this special gift.


At 8:56 AM, Blogger Broadsheet said...

You truly understand the female psyche. There is a reason you are single. Funny as hell, but single.

At 8:59 AM, Blogger Cham said...

You got, broadsheet....single for a long long time.

At 9:52 AM, Blogger Broadsheet said...

Psssst - Cham - ummmm, so are WE.

At 10:20 AM, Blogger tfg said...

So much for the harem idea.

Actually, some posts can be taken more seriously than others.

At 10:36 AM, Blogger Cham said...

Broadsheet, if you don't want to be single for long, post your pic on your blog. The activity you will get is phenomemal. Who knew?

At 11:16 AM, Blogger Jen said...

Since when do guys save the Dutch Oven for special occasions?

At 3:04 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

I have a question. How can my wife mow the lawn while continuing to maintain her location in the kitchen, in bare feet, while pregnant? Please explain.

At 10:16 PM, Anonymous fool said...

Sexism, tfg, sexism. Pffft! Girls can gift the Dutch Oven as well.

At 11:51 AM, Blogger paige3girl said...

I boycot Valentine's day...

At 10:47 PM, Blogger Sylvana said...

I like my self-propelled bagging mower I got for my birthday last year.




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