Friday, May 26, 2006

Flaming Jablonskis

If you are wondering, the Auschwitz Diet is approximately in its 8th week. I say approximately, because I made a conscious effort to eat more than 500 calories/day, once I reached 165 lbs, which was 2 weeks ago. However, as you can see in the table below, it hasn't worked out that way, so I'm 3 lbs under the target weight.

Initial WeightFinal WeightNet
Week 1-8 185 lbs162 lbs-23 lbs

One factor in my continued weight loss is the fact that I have been doing semi-physical labor at work, for the last month. I am managing a project that involves rewiring several rooms to create a laboratory and, to speed the process, I have been doing some of the wiring myself, instead of sitting at a desk all day.

In fact, since May 1st, I've had exactly one day off. My typical daily schedule looks something like this:

4:30-5:00 AM - Wake up.
5:30-6:00 AM - Arrive at work.
5:30-7:00 PM - Leave work
8:00-9:00 PM - Go to bed

In order to prevent burnout, I've been scheduling some diversionary activities. So far, these activities have consisted of going to the dentist and having some kind of fuckawful procedure performed. Two weeks ago I had a deep cleaning , which involved vigorous scraping. Last week I had a molar extracted because it was impacted by a wisdom tooth. Of course, when this tooth was removed it allowed the molar on the other side of my jaw to shift enough to start causing painful problems. So, I had that molar and the underlying wisdom tooth extracted yesterday. Unfortunately, my ability to eat solid food has been impaired considerably, which has lead to more Ensure consumption. Regardless, once I regain the ability to eat solid food, the Auschwitz Diet experiment will be concluded.

By the way, as I'm not a dentist, I'm not terribly familiar with common dental practices, particularly those in Baltimore. Is it normal to have to get naked everytime you see the dentist?


At 6:42 AM, Blogger chunky monkey said...

This is terrible, but I'm jealous of the 23lbs you've lost.

Hope solid foods returns to you soon. Eat a cheesecake factory cheesecake for me.

At 7:40 AM, Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

Lemme get this straight. It takes you 30 minutes to get to work...yet 90 minutes to get home?? What, are you taking the scenic route or something?

Find out where you're losing that hour and use the time to do some squat thrusts.

At 8:17 AM, Blogger elcapitanhink said...

Two molars removed? Who's your dentist, Dr. Giggles? The Auschwitz Dentist, mayhaps?

All this time I thought you needed molars for grinding and mashing of fibrous intake.

How much did you get for them? Don't let that fairy broad jerk you around. This time of year it's at least +25% appraisal. Not a penny less.

At 8:23 AM, Blogger elcapitanhink said...

Oh, and if you are pulling a room yourself, and you hate your job, do what I used to do: write nasty and unfounded personal rumors about management on the punchdown block's wiring diagram. I used the word "schlongus" a lot.

At 9:35 AM, Blogger johnny dollar said...

getting naked is standard, but also having to wear assless chaps is where you should draw the line.

At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Crunchy BC said...

It's not uncommon to have to get naked for the dentist, but it usually costs a little more. Plus, the cheap-ass insurance companies will question the medical-necessity, but don't they always.

At 10:18 AM, Anonymous JennyGags said...

Why is this description not further enhanced by your legendary propensity for accompanying artwork?

Perhaps getting naked is an assumption by the dentist upon seeing the nuclear accident in the front of your pants.

At 11:15 AM, Blogger Charles said...

How did you survive on 500 calories. I am envious too!

Did you say dentist? Oh man, I don't even want to think about it. I have to go and get one of my teeth checked out.

At 11:17 AM, Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...

As long as the nude dental exams don't involve role play. That's just in bad taste.

At 1:07 PM, Blogger tfg said...

chunky monkey-I'm going to get nutty w/ some cheese steaks next week.

dyck-No, those are approximate times. Somedays I leave work at 5:30 and other days I leave at 7:00. But now that you mention it, it actually does take 30 minutes to get to work and 60-90 to get home because of Baltimore traffic.

hink-Aww, man. That's why it smells like poop under my pillow.

j$-He told me the assless chaps were lead-lined for x-rays. Does this mean that the fishnet boy scout uniform is bogus, too? Crap.

crunchy-I hear you. They even denied my claim for amyl nitrate.

jennygags-Perhaps, but I think the trapeze is a little much.

charles-I'm telling you, it's not that hard. The sick part is that wehn I do get hungry, I get hungry for Ensure.

idle-Yeah, unless I get to play the part of the stern headmaster. That would change everything.

At 2:40 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Completely naked for dental exams? No, that's out of the question. Don't you realize there is something SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THAT SITUATION?

You should only need to get naked from the waist down.

At 6:22 PM, Blogger doggerelblogger said...

I have but one question: are you getting naked, or is it the dentist?

At 9:37 PM, Blogger Dr. Zombie said...

The nakedness is perfectly acceptable. Especially if there's nitrous oxide involved. The world always seems so much more tolerable when your numb. Maybe you should try the nitrous and nudeness at work?

Just watch out for open sockets.



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