I Need A Hero
Ask any old-timer about what is wrong with the youth of today and you will inevitably hear the same complaint: Youngsters nowadays have nobody to look up to. Celebrity icons such as Brittney Spears, Barry Bonds, Tom Cruise, and Eminem can hardly be portrayed as good role models for the younger generation. You would think that with all of the media hype that permeates our culture, there would be someone that kids could look to emulate.
Fortunately, I've saved the day by discovering a Superhero that is sufficiently wholesome for all ages:
Faster than a speeding bidet. Able to leap tall hemorrhoids in a single bound. It's Captain Colon* and his crimefighting headgear. I wonder if he needs a sidekick, because I honestly think that I'd make a great Prince Proctoscope .* I honestly didn't make this up. I found it in the Health and Wellness section of a midwestern Sunday newspaper.
posted by tfg @ 6/17/2007 10:51:00 PM
27 comments
27 Comments:
I can't think of a thing to say about that except -- LMAO! And that I'd sure hate to have to wear that costume.:-)
finally. someone who understands me. :)
Captain Colon sounds kind of neat. He's moving at the speed of light through your anus. However, I am suspect of anyone who finds it necessary to read the Health and Wellness section of a midwestern newspaper. You don't need a hero, you need a hobby.
This is not related to your post (though the fact that his would actually be published is amusing/horrifying- i mean, would this ad actually appeal to the old fuddy-duddies that it is supposed to reach, but I digress), but it reminds me of the Robot Chicken episode I saw last night that had Optimus Prime doing a lesson about his prostate...I think I found my new favorite show...
Shouldn't his costume be brown with red accents? Also, let's make sure he hasn't done gay porn before inserting him into our Fortress of Solitude.
Best thing read on a Monday morning yet!!!
SJ-I wouldn't mind having the hat for church, court, and what not.
geisha-That's Assclownopolis...a little something for everybody.
cham-What I need is some of your legendary hot monkey loving on the steps of the state capitol.
hanmee-Do they have a Tranformer for ass play?
puerilewaite-Jeez, make one glory hole flick and your branded for life.
adw-Thanks.
Not quite as good as "Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist" but equally as compelling.
Yeah, I can see your point about the hat. It does have a certain panache.:-)
I have to wonder about Captain Colon's intentions extending that diproportionately large thumb.
I tried the Captain Colon breakfast cereal last week. A word of advice: Don't.
And who is the superhero for breast cancer - Captain Hooter? Is he a big boob or just looking at one?
WIPE out? Now there's a great advertising firm.
Cruisermel beat me to it: It's the "Wipe Out" part that makes it art.
Captain colon sounds like a real rectum wrecker to me.
Iffin he gonna have a sidekick it would have to be Petey Polyp a persnickity porcupine.
Ouch!
That is the best ad copy I think I've ever seen. "Who's that wiping out colorectal cancer?"
Gee, WHO?!
It makes me giggle that more than one person thought Captain Colon was a good idea....
Who's the sidekick, Boy Bunghole?fok
Ah, the power of the pooper!
Awesome.
You ass men are all so strange.
Oh, my God, that's my BOSS!!!
...And, Corndog, how about The Boobmashinator, Master of the Mammogram?
GreenyFlower, that is hilarious! I wish I knew someone that could draw. That would make the best cartoon
sassy-Mel Gibson is overrated. He uses a butt double in all those movies.
SJ-Yes, the hat makes the costume.
crunchy-Are you familiar with the Midwestern game known as Switch?
dyck-Dolt. It's only good with Milk of Magnesia.
corn dog-Captain Chemo? Colons are funny, cancer--not so much.
cruisermel, claude, stacy-Yes, I'm contracting with them to do the ads for my gynecological drive through concept.
scary-What costume would Petey wear?
magnum po-What a coincidence. That was mom's nickname for me.
legaleagle-More than one company, actually.
kadonkadonk-Indeed. After careful experimentatation, I can state with a high degree of certainty that it's 46.3 kilowatts.
kalleigh- I am not an ass man. I am THE Ass Man. Goo-goo-ga-joob.
greeny-Boobmashinator??? Nice.
I wonder if there is a Commander Prostate in league with him.
yes, captain colon rules. Check out our site
http://www.CapatainColon.com
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