Translator Required
I used to think that I spoke English. Not perfect English, mind you, but I always felt that if I had to communicate with someone from another English-speaking nation, I could do so. What I've found is that this may still be true, so long as that person isn't from England.
This week, I am in Minnesota on business and I am working closely with an English engineer. On the whole, he's pretty sharp, but I'm never really sure what the hell he's talking about. While I understand the words that he speaks, the context in which he uses them eludes me. Here are some examples:
-"We need a 3 cored cable." Cores, in the UK, are apparently wires.
-"Do you have a spanner?" Adjustable wrench.
-"He's gone off to have a fag." It seems that smoking and homosexuality are closely linked in England.
-"It seems to have gone a bit wobbly." It's fucked.
-"It's right dodgy in the main." It's completely fucked.
-"Will you have a bang it?" He looked confused when I declined on the grounds that I was saving myself for marriage.
-"I was just taking the piss out of him." I draw the line at do-it-yourself dialysis.
-"He's a bit off his head, today." English people are so polite. This is how they say that someone has their head up their ass.
-"He can get right stroppy." I believe that this is a polite way of saying that someone is an assclown.
-"I'll knock you up at half past 7." I found the ramifications of this statement rather ominous. It turns out that he merely intended to knock on my door at 7:30, which was fortunate because I was fresh out of Deprovera.
I have to say that some of this British civility is wearing off on me. Yesterday, he burned up a motor that is critical to the machine that we're working on. Of course, the motor is made in Turkey and can't be obtained in the US, which means that I won't be leaving early and will probably have to return in 2 weeks. Nevertheless, instead of saying, "Holy shit. How in the hell did you manage to incinerate the least replaceable component on the entire fucking machine?," all I said was, "It's OK. It was acting dodgy, anyway."
posted by tfg @ 6/14/2006 07:20:00 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
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You're in Minnesota this week? Has anyone offered you coffee and bars yet?....
I admit, I tried posting this 2 times before, but It's freaking early and I can't type so I had to redo it. BITE ME!
A punch to the crotch is understood around the world.
You need UnderGoos!!!
j$-I got the motor rewound today, so as they say, "No worries, mate."
revree-I'm 30 miles north of Minneapolis, in fact. No coffee and bars, but it's beautiful here. I have to keep reminding myself what it's like winter, so I don't quit my job and move here.
ACW-Yes, but they punch on the left side of the crotch in England.
broadsheet-I will try some of those out at dinner tonight.
I can remember being in England and having a Yorkshireman look at me like I was completely looney when I answered a question he'd asked with, "Oh, no, we just got here. We're from Canada." I'm still not sure what he actually wanted to know. Probably what time it was.
Ask him about the difference between pants and trousers.
Okay, now I am wondering if I speak English.
Funny thing is, I heard someone say spanner before.
The English are some funny chaps, for sure. One of the guys I work with is British, and quite fun to listen to.
Tally ho!
Doers he prattle on about his pudding, custard, pickle or fish and chips? I have been here a while now and I miss those staple foods like mad.
What gets me is that I have to explain what I mean every time I mention those terms here.
Strange thing is though, if an American says hood, trunk, chips etc, I know exactly what they are talking about.
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