Better Than Arbor Day

As noted on many of your blogs, yesterday was Talk Like a Pirate Day. I must admit that this internet holiday caught me be surprise, but I think that this is a great institution. Not talking like a pirate, of course, because that's dildolic, but the practice of making up improptu holidays throughout the year. Thus, I have been inspired to declare my own internet holidays. Please mark your calendars accordingly.

Drive Like You're Asian Day
On July 13th, participants will not allow their vehicles to exceed 14 mph and will have their left turn signal blinking perpetually. Moreover, drivers should refrain from using any mirrors before changing lanes and should attempt to travel exclusively in the left lane. If an accident seems unavoidable, cover both eyes with your hands and scream unintelligible gibberish until skidding to your victim.

Do the Wild Thing with an Engineer Day
On September 22nd, participants will spend a romantic evening with either a civil, mechanical, or electrical engineer (I strongly recommend the electrical variety). During the date, the participants will feign interest in mind numbing topics such as failure mode and effects analysis, static load calculations, and boolean algebra. At the conclusion of the date, the participants will partake in copious sweaty monkey-love and then the engineer will calculate things like calories exerted, mattress spring force constants, and whether the crossmembers in the ceiling are capable supporting a trapeze.

Talk Like Art Donovan Day
On December 3rd, participants will start drinking Everclear at dawn while beating on their craniums with a meat mallet. Once complete inebriation has ensued, participants will ask the dumbest questions known to man, preferably on television, while only using a vocabulary of seven words. To truly appreciate the spirit of the day, you should work slurring, drooling, and the occasional bladder control issue into the regimen.

Pump Gas Like a Porn Star Day
On September 27th, participants will proceed to their nearest filling station. They will then begin to fuel their vehicles in the normal manner. Once the tank is full, they keep the pump handle depressed while vigorously squirting gasoline all over the side of the car and yelling, "Who's your daddy, bee-otch?"

I think that I've got some winners here, but this is just a start. For example, I'm still working out the legal ramifications of Wack a Fat and Oddly Dressed Burglar Day on December 24th. Nevertheless, I'm open to suggestions, so feel free to add any legitimate internet holidays that you fell are relevant.