Friday, August 25, 2006

Dream Job

Earlier today I was perusing Money magazine's list of 100 best employers. I was more than a little disappointed to see that my current employer, Rent-A-Retard, didn't make the list. Nevertheless, I did hit paydirt when I found this:

Obviously, the prospect of working for a Fortune 500 company that is riding the 17 year patent protection/price-fixing profit rocket must be more lucrative than my current position. This is further compounded by the fact that they provide free Pap smears. Sure, I'm currently saving a bundle by been buying them in bulk from local garage sales. Nevertheless, the surplus in my Pap smear budget will allow me to build a home theatre to showcase my new video collection:

Now before you start posting your typical rude and derogatory comments, remember: If you play your cards right, you might get invited to an advanced screening of Not So Fantastic Voyage.


At 7:32 AM, Blogger Mr. Friendly said...

Not that I have been invited or anything but, could I provide some running commentary on the fantastic voyage? It would go something like this:

"If everyone on this trip thinks a happy thought maybe the anal sphincter will open. C'mon everybody, let's get to the sigmoid!"

At 12:47 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Can't you just take a look for yourself the next time you've got your head up your ass?

At 1:17 PM, Anonymous Crunchy BC said...

What do you mean "Not So Fantastic"? Apparently somebody's proctologist doesn't have Parkinson's.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Antonio said...

I'm more excited about the mammograms. This lump is started to bother me.

At 5:48 PM, Blogger karla said...

For ONCE I'd like to get a pap that isn't smeared. You'd think for the amount we pay for those things, they could be more careful.

At 6:43 PM, Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

Those drug companies are always sticking it up our asses, but it's nice to know it's being done by professionals.

At 4:42 PM, Blogger elcapitanhink said...

Fact: The only word in the English language more disturbing than "colonoscopy" is its plural.

At 7:48 PM, Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Can't they simply duct tape the camera to the gerbil?

At 8:49 PM, Blogger tfg said...

mr. friendly-I'll definitely hire you to do the voice overs.

ACW-Yeah, but how I am supposed to record it for posterity. The camcorder sure as hell didn't fit.

crunchy-Damn, now I feel that I'm getting ripped off.

antonio-I don't think manboobs are susceptible to cancer.

karla-Is that why you've switched from Summer's Eve to Windex?

dyck-This is true.

hink-Catheterization isn't one of my favorite words, either.

puerileuwaite-I'm an armadillo man, myself.

At 9:24 PM, Blogger doggerelblogger said...

I have a friend who is a cameraperson who got a freelance job videotaping people undergoing the "fantastic voyage".

He said there was a lot of farting.

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Kira said...

*snort* not so fantastic voyage! you kill me there.

At 6:21 PM, Blogger Forty_Two said...

Mmmmm. Free colonoscopies.


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