Sunday, February 18, 2007

Passive-Aggressive Driving.

We've all heard how horrible it is to be an aggressive driver. The Maryland MVA has a program which targets aggressive driving and the legislature has even made aggressive driving a crime. Although cell phones and incompetent drivers are still permitted, aggressive driving is becoming the new drunk driving. The problem is: What precisely is aggressive driving? I mention this because I could be considered an aggressive driver. I am rarely passed on an interstate and I always try to maximize my speed in light to moderate traffic conditions (Speeding in heavy traffic doesn't work, you just get to the next backup sooner.).

Now if we look below at page 32 from the MD Driver's Handbook we see that the slow drivers are encouraged to keep right.

Yet, Maryland attaches no legal recognition to the left lane. It is not officially considered a passing lane or the "fast" lane. Maryland believes that it is a driver's right to do 55mph in the left lane of I-695 when the prevailing speed is 70-75mph. So, if the left lane is just another lane and passing on the right is legal, why do slow drivers in the left lane get so pissed off when they get passed on the right? At least once a day, I'll pass someone travelling in the left lane of I-83, I-695, or I-895/95 well below the prevailing speed and they will start honking or flashing their lights. Yesterday, I passed an elderly couple on I-695 travelling at 50 mph and he gave me the finger. I've even had one depraved women try to hit me with her SUV because I was the 5th person to pass her in less than a minute.

I've noticed that this problem is getting worse lately. MD drivers who drive slowly in the left lane are fully aware that they are creating problems. By matching speeds with drivers of the next lane, they are deliberately impeding traffic flow. I know it's deliberate, because they actively try to prevent people from getting around them by speeding up when a pass is attempted. What I want to know is why? Are these people self-appointed Speed Police protecting us from ourselves? If you're going to drive the same speed as the next rightmost lane, why not just get into that lane and not create a backup? Regardless, if the traffic is light and you're doing 55mph in the left lane, I'll probably be seeing you, but not for long.


At 6:39 PM, Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

God help you for living in Maryland to begin with. Who the hell lives there besides assholes commuting to D.C.?

That's not to say the assholery doesn't exist here in Virginia. Two weeks ago, a MINIVAN filled with punk teenagers tried to RACE me on a busy street after I passed their stupid asses.

They lost.

At 8:27 PM, Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Actually the prevalence of that type of behavior is one of the metrics that I use to measure the "Assh*le Index" of a given area (how many people use the word "metrics" is another).

In addition to Maryland, Washington (State) ranks high on the "A-I" list.

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Broadsheet said...

These people are probably all from PA, where you can get ticketed for driving in the left lane for any reason OTHER than passing.

At 3:07 PM, Blogger anonymouscoworker said...

This is why I continually write my congressman to introduce legislation to allow roof-mounted rocket-propelled projectiles that say, "Speed up or merge, fucker."

At 4:18 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

You're preaching to the choir here, fella. I have always thought that the powers that be have actually hired drivers to completely block a highway with slower drivers, thus causing a blockage that not even a fiber supplement would help. But you're probably right, they've nominated themselves. Bitches.

At 8:06 PM, Blogger Scary Monster said...

You be applying logic to a situation that requires the idiot stick.

Me has developed an automatic bumper sticker device that allows me to stealthily place the message of me choice to any vehicle in front of me. Generally me keeps it set to "I be sub-moron". This keeps the road rage to a minimum and a quirkky smile on me face

At 9:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want the invention of 2 things:

1) a device that automatically turns on the radio in the car in front of you really loud and says "move over, assmunch, or I will ram you!"

2) a device that throws a severly rotten egg that lands squarely on the car of every fucker who throws their cigarette out the window and it lands on my hood or windshield. Oh and also pumps the smell of rotten egg into their car for a good 5 minutes.

At 6:43 AM, Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

I am working on a rearward dispenser of this:

I'll let you know when the prototype is completed.

At 9:21 AM, Blogger Katherine said...

Ha! 1) It's not just MD. 2) People are sickos--they just plain like to fuck with others, that's why they purposely impede the flow of traffic. Anything else you need to know? :)

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Hanmee said...

I am going to admit that I may one of the "slow" drivers in the fast lane.

This is because even if the prevailing speed is 70 mph, a cop can still pull me over and ticket me, and I'm not going to be the one ticketed. Sure, he could pick someone else, but my luck generally works against me in these sort of scenarios :). (And there are plenty of cops that pull people over on my commute.)

However, I will say that I generally am in the left lane because my exit is coming up (left exit) and not just because I'm trying to disrupt the flow of traffic.

I don't get bothered when people pass me and get into my lane. I will get annoyed though if they don't signal, or worse, signal after they've already entered my lane without enough room and forced me to brake hard, or get agitated and gesture to me for going the speed limit. But if they are gesturing, I can usually ignore it (admittedly, not always). I wouldn't speed up to prevent them from getting in my lane, even if they are offending me, just because I don't feel it's worth the effort.

At 2:42 PM, Blogger Aza said...

Our solution to your problem is usually to get in front of the person showing their ass refusing to allow people to pass and refusing to move over, slam on brakes, climb out of the wreckage and beat the ever loving Christ out of the "self appointed speed police" with our tire iron. Our second solution...pull out the 9mm. No one argues with the 9mm.

Welcome to Florida! We’ve made an art/full contact sport out of road rage :)

At 4:34 PM, Blogger tfg said...

dyck-Yes, I was once a VA resident and I agree entirely.

puerilewaite-I calculate a similar index, which I call Dildographics.

broadsheet-I was going to mention that. 80% of these drivers are, indeed, from PA.

ACW-I was pricing 150dB train horns, myself.

cruisermel-Yes, people often suck.

scary-Please send me an idiot stick directly.

LoTI-I looked at a cell phone jammer, but that turned out to be very, very illegal. Imagine that.

johnny v-I think a trunk mounted catapult could be useful, too.

katherine-I agree. I believe that these people take out there frustrations on the people behind them.

hanmee-Left hand exits/on-ramps are a different matter. I expect slow driving near them.

aza-Hmmm...I've always been partial to tire irons.

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

This is why I want an RPG in my damn car.

At 3:13 PM, Blogger Arctic Skipper said...

I'll thank you to stop sending all your crappy-ass MD drivers to Alaska. Don't think I'm not aware of what you've been doing. I have to deal with these brainless assmasters every morning and I'm getting a little tired of it. Just because we're the biggest state doesn't mean we have enough room for all the morons in the world. I'm sending them all back to you. COD.

At 9:49 AM, Blogger tkkerouac said...

I like your thumbnail & blog.

At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm right there with you, assclown! For years, I've fantasized and almost implemented a sign that would readable from the rear view mirror of the person in front of me. I'd place it right at the bottom of my windshield, inside and it would say, KEEP RIGHT, PASS LEFT! In fact, I'm starting to get the fever again! Maybe this weekend. . . . BTW, PA drivers are the worst when it comes to this!!!


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