Monday, January 29, 2007

Engrish Toys

Tonight, I finally finished unpacking my suitcase from my Midwestern Christmas trip, which contained some gifts that I'd forgotten about getting. Somehow, I overlooked what is clearly one of the better gifts that I received:

As you can see, it's a Pooping Sheep by Midlon Foods. Given the level of sophistication of my sense of humor, they correctly assumed that I'd find this to be the height of hilarity. After all, it's a sheep, it poops, and it even comes with its own ammunition. What could be funnier? Moving on.

Although the package's verbiage is correct, I noticed a few

I find it odd that the Christmas tree is touting the inherent yumminess of the sheep's deposits. Now, I'm not going to say that I've not seen a talking tree before, but it was usually preceded by seeing Jerry and his brethren perform Sugaree or the like. Here is another oddity:

If you look directly right of the couch, there appears to be an ewe in the midst of either a pelvic exam or an unspeakable sex act that rhymes with zunnibingus. Of course, they leave us hanging by masking the identity of the mystery diner behind the couch. Regardless, as a man who is in his element in Midwestern culture, I realize that certain allowances must be made with respect to amorous intentions towards the species. However, I final this final item rather disturbing:

Notice the line that states: Not suitable for children under 36 months due to small parts. I can't argue with this, the toy could constitute a choking hazard to a small child. Apparently, though, it's acceptable to teach 3 year olds that animal excrement can provide hours of fun as well as a tasty snack. Following this logic, I will be looking forward to receiving a Litterbox Lunchbox next Christmas.


At 9:13 PM, Blogger Kalleigh Hathaway said...

It's a good thing that it didn't dispense Mike & Ike's, because they look startlingly like guinea pig poop but with a candy coating.

Uh oh, should I not have given you that idea?

At 7:54 AM, Blogger puerileuwaite said...

I suppose you could even be insulted by the not-so-subtle "eat shit" message that this gift implies.

Which makes it PERFECT for re-gifting next Christmas.

In fact, send it to that so-called "Corporate Psychologist" who wasted your time on that interview trip. Only put Ex-Lax in it first.

At 8:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) The sheep looks highly constipated and very intent.

2) Carnauba wax?

Once, at a meeting, we had extra company giveaways, which were plastic piggy banks and we had filled them with candy to munch on during the meeting. My coworker somehow broke open the piggy bank and pulled a tootsie roll out of the rear area. I just about died. We had to stop the whole meeting. Ah, the good ol' days, when work was fun and poop was funny.

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Hanmee said...

I saw this thing in someone's office yesterday, except it was a reindeer instead of a sheep.

It's funny. It's cute, but I can't bring myself to eat any of the delicious excrement, I mean chocolate, that comes out of its rear.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

I'm more concerned with the allegiance between China and Holland.

At 11:55 AM, Blogger johnny dollar said...

mmm, poo.

At 12:35 AM, Anonymous Kate said...

Thank you, I LOVE poop posts! Cause poop is always funny! Much like good manners or a nice rack, poop jokes just never go out of style.

At 2:46 AM, Blogger tfg said...

kalleigh-I like Mike & Ike's. At least I did, until you put that vision in my head. Thanks. ;>

puerilewaite-It takes a lot to insult me. In fact, that's how mom and I traditionally greet each other.

LOTI-Poop is always funny. If you doubt me, read Common Wombat's blog.

hanmee-I know what you mean. I don't even have an urge to unwrap it.

ACW-I'm sure China formally owns Holland by now.

kate-Indeed and what I said to LOTI.

At 8:42 AM, Anonymous Crunchy BC said...

I want to see video of you getting one of those jelly beans unstuck...which I will then take to the authorities.

At 9:09 AM, Blogger Hanmee said...

It's funny that there are pictures of sheep on a couch just partying and obviously drunk off their asses.

But then the sheep toy looks so stern. So annoyed. (Is this the morning after?) So constipated...ah ha! Perhaps because of those hard pellets coming from the rear.

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Charles said...

Where do they come up with this stuff. I wonder if they got a drinking cup that pees.

At 1:37 PM, Blogger the frog princess said...

I have a pooping cow, a bull, a pig and a chicken. I keep them at work -- they're my pooping farm animals. They keep my other cubical toys on their toes. :)


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