I'm Such An Ass

Our company has PA system that is tied to the speaker of every deskphone and a series of loudspeakers. It is typically used for paging employees or making company-wide announcements. This morning, I'm sitting at my desk, conveying the image of productivity, when I hear a conversation being carried over the PA system. Apparently, an employee had inadvertently let something rest on the PAGE button of his phone. I recognize one of the voices, which belongs to a rather outspoken production manager who is quite proud of the fact that he eschews underwear. To his detriment, it was noisy enough outside his office to prevent him from getting feedback from the loudspeakers.

Do I call him and tell him he's audible throughout the plant? Not exactly. I called his cell phone and had the following discussion. Bear in mind the entire company is hearing his side of the conversation:

Capt. Commando: Hello
TFG: Employee 2 and I have a bet. He says that you never wear underwear and I say that's wrong.
Capt. Commando: It's true. Everyone knows I don't wear underwear.
TFG: I didn't know. Why is that?
Capt. Commando: Because I like to feel the breeze blowing on my junk.
TFG: That's filthy. What if you tear your pants?
Capt. Commando: Then the women get a thrill. Everybody loves my tool.
TFG: Uh-huh, that's a sitcom, isn't it? I'm guessing that I'd need a microscope to be offended, anyway.
Capt. Commando: Shit. You'd like it, too. My wife makes me shave down there, so it's all smooth and shiny.
TFG: I'm not so....(interrupted)
Capt. Commando: You are such an asshole. I can't believe you did that.
TFG: Hysterical laughter.

It looks like I won't be making Employee of the Month, again.