Sunday, March 04, 2007


Recently, I have become aware of a brilliant tool for psychological evaluation invented by Kira, which I have taken the liberty of naming Crankometrics. This technique consists of tabulating the contents of the subject's brain in a graphical manner and its application is described in depth in her post: What Lurks Inside. Despite the hindrance of not knowing anything about most of these people, I've applied the technique to several bloggers.

1. Cham Green

2. Geisha

3. Broadsheet

4. Malnurtured Snay

5. Charissa

5. Mighty Dyckerson

6. Revree

7. TFG

As I mentioned before, this is a new tool for psychological evaluation, so we may not have all of the kinks worked out yet. Thus, if you see any flaws or corrections that are needed in my analysis, feel free to refer all complaints to Dyckerson, as he clearly has the proper state of mind for handling these things.


At 6:35 PM, Blogger Mighty said...

Are these images supposed to be blurred? Because I can see everything plainly. And my brain appears larger than the others. I think that speaks for itself.

At 8:16 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Wait, were my numbers 2 and 3?

At 8:23 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

There are far too many people too concerned with kicking my ass. Thankfully, it's a wide target.

At 8:26 PM, Blogger Charissa said...

Wait... you left out Antonio and pajamas. Well, and you left out nookie - I just don't talk about the nookie I get. :)

At 8:46 PM, Blogger johnny dollar said...


here's me:

( pie )

At 8:47 PM, Anonymous Crunchy BC said...

If I had any self-respect, I wouldn't steal this already stolen idea. Thank God I'm not troubled with that particularly pesky character flaw.

At 8:51 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

I don't get any nookie to talk about. Um. Except for my left-hand. (ahem).

At 9:33 PM, Blogger verity said...

dood, you forgot to add pyromania to yours! never forget the fire! fire! fiiiiiiiyyyyyyyre.

At 10:06 PM, Blogger Jay said...

Oh my god, you are a comic\psychological genius. Absolute.

At 10:10 PM, Blogger Sam's Lil Sis said...

Oooh, I bet snay could guess what mine looks like... I'd say that my mind would have 3 sections... nartending, bitch slapping Warren brown and bitch slapping a fellow named Ameer Taylor.

Sorry I saw this on Snay's blog and I knooow I just have to have one... could you draw me one please? {batting my pretty little eyes}

At 10:14 PM, Blogger Cham said...

I'll meet you on the bridge, no problem. But after our sweaty monkey love we are going to have a long convo about how to best kick Snay's ass.

At 11:23 PM, Blogger Broadsheet said...

Can I have have some BFC in my commumity service pie? Please sir, may I?

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Broadsheet said...

Oh, PS: Here ya go:

High Hopes (The Rubber Tree Song)

Next time you're found with your chin on the ground
There's a lot to be learned so look around
Just what makes that little ol' ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes... he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie in the sky hopes
So any time you're getting low
'Stead of letting go,
Just remember that ant.
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.

Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant.

When troubles call and your back's to the wall
There's a lot to be learned, that wall could fall.
Once there was a silly ol' ram,
Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam;
No one could make that ram scram,
He kept buttin' that dam

But he's got high hopes... he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie in the sky hopes
So any time you're feeling bad
'Stead of feeling sad
Just remember that ram.
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam!

So keep your high hopes, keep your high hopes.
Keep your high apple pie in the sky hopes.
A problem's just a toy balloon
They'll be bursting soon
They're just bound to go POP!
Oops there goes another problem kerplop.
Oops there goes another problem kerplop.
Oops there goes another problem kerplop.

Put on a Happy Face

Gray skies are gonna to clear up
Put on a happy face
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a happy face

Take off that gloomy mask of tragedy, it's not your style
You'd look so good that you'd be glad you decided to smile

Pick out a pleasant outlook
Stick out that noble chin
Wipe off that full of doubt look
Slap on a happy grin

And spread sunshine all over the place
Just, put on a happy face

Put on a happy face
Put on a happy face

And if you're feeling cross and bickerish
Don't sit and whine
Think of banana splits and licorice
And you'll feel fine

I knew a girl so gloomy
She'd never laugh or sing
She wouldn't listen to me
Now she's a mean ol' thing

So spread sunshine all over the place
Just, put on a happy face!

At 9:47 AM, Blogger Kalleigh Hathaway said...

I'm torn between the following on reading this post:

1. amusement that you took the time at some point to draw and photograph all these little diagrams

2. offense that one was not included for me

3. relief that I am at least encompassed in one of the small areas of TFG's brain illustration.

At 10:01 AM, Blogger puerileuwaite said...

You may need to release "Revision B". Every woman has a little "insane in the brain" as well.

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Hanmee said...

This makes me want to check out Malnutured Snay's blog as he and my hubby have a lot of overlapping concerns (Legos, Battlestar Galactica, Nookie, Jeep, New Job).

At 12:42 PM, Anonymous lori said...

Hmmm...I wonder what mine would look like: Anime, comic books, hating mommybloggers, politics and economics

At 3:56 PM, Blogger verity said...

ps: for Snay, you forgot 'bitching about Maryland drivers' and 'delivering these fucking pizzas'

At 8:38 PM, Blogger RevRee said...

I am 100% amazed at how you were able to get deep inside my very active brain and find these things! Do I owe you a boob picutre or something?...

At 10:24 PM, Blogger tfg said...

dyck-I hadn't noticed that yours was bigger. That can only lead to brain envy.

snay-Just do what the nice ladies tell you to do and nobody's ass will get hurt.

charissa-I forgot about bags in trees, too, now that I think about it.

j$-Please, this is a family blog.

crunchy bc-Yes, Kira should license her idea because it's genius.

geisha-That's very true. I need a whole Destructive Stupidity section.


sam's lil sis-I hope that all of the aforementioned bitchslappings (and more) are received in a timely manner.

Cham-All talk, no action. Why do you torment me so?

broadsheet-Maybe Geisha can get some kind of BFC time-sharing going. And thanks, that song is stuck in my head, again.

kalleigh-I thought we were going to keep your identity as the Dutch Oven queen of Baltimore County confidential.

pug-Well, I'm not going to say that they are all insane. Just the ones that date me.

hanmee-The boy is like the Albert Einstein of Legos.

lori-Politics, economics, and anime?? You're not a real female, are you?

geisha2-Yes, how could I forget the road rage?

revree-Always. If you're ever in doubt about that, error on the side of more boob pics.

At 8:30 AM, Blogger Hanmee said...

It's a good thing you preceded snay's diagram with the others. Otherwise, the butt hurting too much might have been misinterpreted.

At 12:11 PM, Blogger tkkerouac said...

What would be my brain?

At 4:17 PM, Anonymous lori said...


Yep, I'm a real female. I'm a nerd's wet dream, too. (I prefer captain Kirk and the original, undigitized star wars trilogy, as well as discussing the recent Dept of Labor and Stats releases of quarterly numbers on the Economy. my vacation this year is to Comic Con International)

HOWEVER---Some nerd from the internet has already married me.

At 10:08 PM, Blogger karla said...

I agree with all these diagrams except the one dealing with YOUR brain. I think more time is spent getting in touch with your outer prick than your inner prick, although I can see how you'd make the mistake. Your outer prick is so small it almost looks like an innie.

At 11:53 PM, Blogger ecdysis said...

i wonder if the size of the nookie part in snay's brain is mathematically related to the battlestar galactica and lego areas... if you increased the nookie size, would the size of the lego and galactica size decrease, as in male teenagers during purberty?
(just kidding snay) :-)

At 9:44 PM, Blogger Charles said...

Clearly this technique can be used for purposes. Bwahahahaha.

I loved that.

At 9:01 PM, Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

This reminds me of that blog Indexed...


She's got a book deal doing precisely what Crankometrics appears to be.


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