Sunday, June 25, 2006

Please Follow Instructions

As you may know, Mightonimous "Mighty" Dyckerson is the father of The Mighty Blog, countless illegitimate livestock, and Dyckerson Enterprises Worldwide, which is a trusted name in the Amish homoerotic publishing industry. Clearly, Dyckerson is a busy man. When he graciously takes time out of his busy schedule to perform a public service, we should take heed.

In an effort to make the Internets a safer place for you and your children, Dyckerson has taken it upon himself to create a foolproof security screening procedure, which is bound to become a model for the blogosphere. Dyckerson outlines his vision in a post entitled Safety First! To wit:

Blogger security is a fucking joke - anyone can register using bogus information. So I have no choice to put my own safeguards in place. Therefore, I am asking all of my female readers to submit to a thorough screening process to verify your ages and identities......

Dyckerson goes on to lay out a multi-pronged identity verification scheme, much of which is beyond the scope of this discussion. However, I did find Step 3, which requires a photographic submission, to be particularly relevant:

....(3) A nude photograph of yourself - I can't have my male readers wasting their time lusting after some she-male transvestite, now can I?

Folks, we're not building rockets here. In my mind, this directive is straightforward and can be summarized by the following equality: NAKED PICTURES TO DYCKERSON = SAFE INTERNET. Nevertheless, some of you can't seem to understand such a simple instruction.
After all, Dyckerson is only looking for your safety. Thus, at the risk of alienating my readers, I feel compelled to take this opportunity to admonish some of you. Please, just follow his instructions and do what he asks, so that we can prevent security missteps like this:




11 Comments:

At 10:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you photoshop that photo?

 
At 10:58 PM, Blogger elcapitanhink said...

That's a stunning set of mits you've got there.

 
At 11:27 PM, Blogger eebmore said...

is that a woman's bust or your ass? phonecam shot are crummy.

 
At 2:01 AM, Blogger TheIdleReceptionist said...

Tfg, what lovely jubblies you have.

 
At 10:30 AM, Blogger johnny dollar said...

boooobies......

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger Broadsheet said...

Sorry, I don't have a panoramic lens, and that's the only way these puppies would fit in a photo.

 
At 2:43 PM, Anonymous ~ Stacy ~ said...

Wait? Boobs on tfg? Have I missed something here?

 
At 6:43 PM, Blogger tfg said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:44 PM, Blogger tfg said...

anon-No. That is how I received the pic and the contributor assures me that it's real.

hink, idle-I'm inclined to agree, although they are not actually mine. The true identity of the contributor is somewhat of a mystery to me, actually.

eebmore-Phonecams do leave much to be desired. However, it's pretty obvious that it isn't my ass due to the lack of teeth marks.

j$-Or gazongas, even.

broadsheet-That will make Christmas shopping easy.

stacy-Perhaps you have. Boobs were sent to TFG.

 
At 8:50 PM, Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

TFG, you are doing good work here. I thank you...your country thanks you...and most importantly, my penis thanks you.

Ladies, keep those nude photos a-comin'. Together we can build a better Internets.

 
At 9:14 PM, Blogger doggerelblogger said...

Did you send your naked photo?

Okay, and what the FUCK is Blogger trying to tell me with these secret word verification messages. To wit:

twdlwocb "tweedle wok bee?"

WTF?

 

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