Please Follow Instructions

As you may know, Mightonimous "Mighty" Dyckerson is the father of The Mighty Blog, countless illegitimate livestock, and Dyckerson Enterprises Worldwide, which is a trusted name in the Amish homoerotic publishing industry. Clearly, Dyckerson is a busy man. When he graciously takes time out of his busy schedule to perform a public service, we should take heed.

In an effort to make the Internets a safer place for you and your children, Dyckerson has taken it upon himself to create a foolproof security screening procedure, which is bound to become a model for the blogosphere. Dyckerson outlines his vision in a post entitled Safety First! To wit:

Blogger security is a fucking joke - anyone can register using bogus information. So I have no choice to put my own safeguards in place. Therefore, I am asking all of my female readers to submit to a thorough screening process to verify your ages and identities......

Dyckerson goes on to lay out a multi-pronged identity verification scheme, much of which is beyond the scope of this discussion. However, I did find Step 3, which requires a photographic submission, to be particularly relevant:

....(3) A nude photograph of yourself - I can't have my male readers wasting their time lusting after some she-male transvestite, now can I?

Folks, we're not building rockets here. In my mind, this directive is straightforward and can be summarized by the following equality: NAKED PICTURES TO DYCKERSON = SAFE INTERNET. Nevertheless, some of you can't seem to understand such a simple instruction. After all, Dyckerson is only looking for your safety. Thus, at the risk of alienating my readers, I feel compelled to take this opportunity to admonish some of you. Please, just follow his instructions and do what he asks, so that we can prevent security missteps like this: