Friday, December 15, 2006

I Must Have Pissed Off God

I'm not a particularly religious man, but on the on the other hand I'm not a complete idiot either. Consequently, there have been situations where I thought that God or whomever was talking directly to me and today was one of them. The object of the day was to travel to North Carolina for an interview with a corporate psychologist of a prospective employer.This should have been simple - go to the airport, fly to NC, and return. Yet, through what I believe was Divine Intervention, every single aspect of the process turned into a nightmare.

My flight was scheduled to leave at 8:50AM, so I needed to check-in at the airport by 7:50AM. Thus, I left my apartment at 7:00AM. When I went to start my car, which is the car that has given me little trouble in the 4 years that I've owned it, it would turn over, but not start. This indicates that the battery is good, so the problem is more sinister and not easily remedied while wearing a suit. Although, prior experience told me that I was taking the first step on a Evil Shit Train, I persevered and took a $65 taxi ride to BWI.

The fog that was present this morning caused most Baltimore Beltway drivers to drive like two-twatted nancyboys. Thus, I didn't get to the airport until 8:25AM, which was 25 minutes before departure. As a result, I cut a bunch of people at the check-in line only to find out that the flight was canceled. I was booked on a flight that left at 10:30 AM, which still gave me an hour upon arrival to get to the company's headquarters building.

Once I checked in and got to the gate, I saw
my current employer's Vice President of Sales. Of course, we were on the same flight, so there was no way that I could board the plane and not have him see me - see me in a suit, which can only mean one thing. I wasn't sure if he'd seen me or not, so I boarded and had to walk right past him. Should he mention this tomorrow I will be terminated without delay.

The flight was delayed by 40 minutes. Thus I arrived in NC at 12:30 PM, leaving me 30 minutes to get a car and find the company's headquarters in an unfamiliar city. Nevertheless, I got the car and commenced a 60-80mph race on city streets. At 1:04 PM, I was about 3 miles from my destination, when my cell phone rings and it's the corporate psychologist. He starts with, "TFG, did we have a scheduling conflict, because I show that we were supposed to interview at 1PM. I was under the impression that you'd be in NC today" I tell him that my flight was cancelled and I'd be there in 10 minutes to which replied in an irritated tone, "Well, I guess I can wait." I contemplated replying, "Yes, you need to wait. Not so much for the interview, but so I can beat the living donkeyshit out of you with a rusty length of chain-link." However, this might have skewed my psych evaluation and I was fresh out of chain-link, so I just drove on.

After all of the above bullshit, I get there and this guy turns out to be a complete douche. He gave me some half-assed IQ test and asked a bunch of condescending questions trying to get me to admit that I'm a people-hating prick. Although this is mighty true, I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction. The whole thing lasted 1.5 hours.

WTF??? In other words, I may well be fired tomorrow, because some douchebag needed to justify his existence by trying to figure out whether I am going to dip my nuts in the office coffee urn. While the answer is emphatically yes, he could have simply called me in Baltimore and I would have told him all about it. The next time God tells me not do something, I'm going to listen.


At 7:44 AM, Blogger verity said...

"The flight has been cancelled."

Someone really doesn't want you moving to NC, dood. Ever see Serendipity? ;)

At 8:22 AM, Blogger puerileuwaite said...

This is God. Stop touching yourself.

At 3:06 PM, Blogger NPR Junky said...

You know what would have helped? Boudreaux's butt paste. Seriously. That would have helped immeasurably yesterday.

At 1:04 AM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Amazing. I've been on those flights...the ones that should never have been rescheduled. Somehow, though usually in the long run, things work out for the better.

But I have to wonder - did the VP ever ask you about being in a suit on a plane? We need the rest of the story. Pweeze?

At 1:26 AM, Blogger Shmausen said...


At 8:27 AM, Blogger tfg said...

verity-I think you're right. This was second interview and the first trip to NC was about the same.

puerilewaite- Never - chicks dig hairy palms.

npr-TSA took it away from me since it was in a 40 lb container.

cruisermel-Yes, since it was obvious what I was doing, I went up and talked to him. He told me to use him as a reference.


At 4:32 PM, Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

I had to take one of them psychology tests once. Some bitch showed me a bunch of inkblots and I was supposed to tell her what they looked like. To me, they all looked like two midgets taking a shit on Liza Minelli.

Bitch was going to fail me, but she agreed to give me a good score if I went down on her. Would you believe she had an inkblot on her pussy twat??

At 11:21 PM, Blogger Karla said...

Who cares about this boring post? The important news is that I just realized I'm at the top of the list of Other Blogs in your sidebar. The TOP! NUMERO UNO! True, true, I totally didn't make the cut for the Tasteful Blogs list, which is total bullshit if you ask me, but nevertheless, I am the at pinnacle of the Other category, which is exactly what I used to tell my mommy I wanted to be when I grew up.

At 5:41 PM, Blogger Charles said...

Yeah, if you see the signs don't fight them. It makes it worse. Follow the story the way it's written and laid out for you.

Its hard for me to do, and more times than not, I have fallen off of the stage.

At 11:35 AM, Blogger Cham said...

Why would you want to go the land of Jesse Helms?


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