I Warned You Bastards

In my last post, I included the following disclaimer:

I'm speaking figuratively, of course. If any of this wacky shit shows up at my house/workplace, I will come visit you personally with the EZE Castrator Kit. Merry Christmas.

Of course, I thought that such a warning was an unnecessary precaution, since it should be readily apparent that I was joking about the contents of the post. However, after a year of blogging, I've learned that no precaution is too trivial, which was clearly demonstrated when I received this:


This is so wrong on many levels. First, as a childless, 34 year old man, I have little use for diaper rash ointment. Sure, I like to accessorize my wardrobe with Depends now and again, but it's not the type of day to day use that causes irritation. Moreover, if you inspect the photo closely, you'll notice that I wasn't even given a new tube of Butt Paste. It's disturbing enough that some of you would re-gift assbutter, but the fact that half of the tube has been consumed is truly troubling. The "icing on the cake" occurred when I went to exact my revenge. It turned out that the offender didn't even have the common decency to have the proper anatomical attributes to allow the effective use of the EZE Castrator Kit.

In conclusion, I am compelled to express my sincere disappointment in some your judgement or lack thereof. I am certain that I could rant about this for hours, but I really don't have the time, as I, apparently, have some shopping to do: