Sunday, December 10, 2006

It's 11:30. Do You Know Where Your Meat Is?

The following e-mail was sent to all of the employees at my workplace. This is particularly troubling because I work in suburban Baltimore. The only portions that have been edited are in blue italics.

From: Office Refrigerator Administrator
Sent: Thursday, December 07, 2006 11:27 AM
To: All
Subject: MEAT IN THE FREEZER/ENG. REFRIGERATOR

All,
There is meat in the freezer outside XXXXXX’s office. It is “wild game” steaks and a roast. Hopefully it is deer meat.There is no date on the meat or anyone’s name.If this meat belongs to you, please take it home.

Assclown1 and Assclown2 have expressed an interest in taking it home. If no one claims it soon, it will be given to them. If you can think of anyone who may have put the meat in the freezer, please let them know.

Thank you,
Office Refrigerator Administrator

In light of the fact that several of my co-workers are quite capable of serial murder, what kind of moron ques up to take home a slab of mystery meat from the office fridge? Sweet Jesus, I need a new job.

10 Comments:

At 8:05 PM, Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Some people just can't pass up free meat.

That reminds me of when a friend of mine moved into an apartment in Boston, and found a half dozen frozen rats in the freezer. Turns out the previous tenant had a boa constrictor.

 
At 9:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

TFG, I'm ashamed of you. You mean this hasn't given you any ideas yet? It may be just that simple to get rid of some coworkers. A bit of tasty looking rancid meat in the fridge.

 
At 10:35 PM, Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

How the fuck does someone get a job as an Office Refrigerator Administrator??! Do you need a degree, or is it just connections?

I have some experience as a Toaster Operations Specialist. Maybe I should send out some resumes...

 
At 11:38 PM, Blogger puerileuwaite said...

"If you can think of anyone who may have put the meat in the freezer, please let them know."

***

Okay! I'll confess. It was me! I slipped the meat in the freezer. What can I say? Judge not, unless you have also been a lonely guy working graveyard shift at the morgue. If there's no live victim, is it a crime?

 
At 12:59 AM, Blogger Baltimore said...

Dude, go claim it, and blog it.

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger tfg said...

jv-Boa constrictor or Chinese carryout? The truth is in there somewhere.

anon-Yes, that's yet another problem with getting old, I'm just not motivated like I used to be.

dyck-Actually, it's a fairly political process--I've been angling for the Female Hygiene Product Dispenser Operator position for months.

puerileuwaite-In the future, please refrain from "slipping your meat" into our kitchen appliances. However, the credenza and water heater are still OK.

baltimore-I'd sooner pleasure myself with a cheese grater.

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Why would someone have brought that to work? No more room in the deep freezer at home now that it's filled with hitchhikers?

 
At 11:26 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

OMG, you're talking about the fridge at MY work, aren't you? I swear, there's all kinds of vacuum sealed somethingorother, stinky meat in there. Been there for ages. Eeewwwwwww. I'm going to have to check to see if it's rats or people now.

 
At 9:16 PM, Blogger verity said...

lol @ Baltimore Snacker!

tfg, if it were Deer I'd snatch it up. It's huntin season, dontchaknow! Fresh venison. Yum.

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger Charles said...

Hey they could always donate it to the local school cafeteria if no one claims it.

 

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