Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Single Ladies -- Look What I've Got For You

In order to put this post in the proper perspective, certain facts must be established. Namely, I am a bit of a prick. Well, perhaps more than a bit. In fact, it might be more accurate to say that I am the High Priest of the Temple of the Exalted Prick. In other words, if we were invaded by space aliens from the planet Prick, they would elect me their new leader. Thus, advancing the above arguments to their logical conclusion, we arrive at the following result: I am a prick.

Hopefully, any ambiguity associated with the aforementioned situation has been dispelled. It is critical in your understanding of the next point. I have read many blogs over the last 3 months. The blogs that I read regularly are always well written, usually funny, and often contain relevant points about contemporary society. However, I had not run across any blog that absolutely compelled me to read every entry in it's entirety at that very moment--until Sat. night. I was up until 4:30 AM reading the blog of a man who is the answer to every non-shallow, non-materialistic, marriage-minded woman's prayers. If you are a nice, single girl who is discouraged because you only find jerks, I have the solution. I have found the blog of the Nicest Guy on the Planet and he is available.

What makes maxipad-boy think he knows what women want? Because women tell me. Single women say they want some one who is honest, kind, attentive, hardworking, passionate, and sensitive. I don't know him personally, but I know people. I'd lay 50-1 odds against him doing any of the following: cheating, lying, stealing, ignoring your needs, failing to provide for you, abandoning you, taking you for granted, or acting in a condescending manner. A common complaint among married women, that I hear, is that everything changes after marriage. The guy they were dating is not the same guy they married. After reading his entire blog, I don't think that he is even capable of this kind of deception, or even deception at all. I was amazed by the innocence of it.

Hell, if I was gay, I'd be all over this. But I'm not so, go get him ladies.

(Don't start getting any ideas that I'm going soft here. I may have to directly plagiarize Common Wombat to compensate for this post.)


At 4:12 PM, Blogger Cham said...

Congratulations, you have finally identified a blog that is more boring and less readable than mine, and mine is pretty boring.

He might be a great guy for you so go for it. When a blog's name is "Divorced and Dealing" it means beaucoup issues with this guy.

At 7:36 PM, Blogger tfg said...

This post wasn't intended for you, Cham. I have bigger plans for you. Like my Mexican School Boy from Vera Cruz idea. Please keep your eye on the prize.

I showed his blog to several women at work. Their responses were that he seemed sweet, nice, funny, and probably would make good marriage material. It's nice to know that I can be a sucessful gay man, if the need ever arises.

At 7:39 PM, Blogger Divorced and Dealing said...

Well thank you for the compliments,TGF and I appreciate the heartfelt wishes cham...

At 10:32 PM, Blogger karla said...

Look, if I'd had any idea that your Saturday night was so sad and empty that you sat up all night reading blogs, I would have invited you to go out with us. Please, for the love of God, next time you're that goddamn bored, call me. We'll drink tequila shots and play Russian roulette or something. We'll toilet-paper the trees at Wombat's country estate. We'll party like it's 1999.

At 6:24 AM, Blogger tfg said...

That's precisely my point, Karla. Saturday night is typically Roman Orgy Night at the TFG household. Yet, I passed on it so I could read blogs.

At 9:37 PM, Blogger John said...

I set aside one Saturday night a week to read blogs. This week was your week. I read one entry about subs and adult ADD or something then I pissed myself so I spent the rest of the night cleaning that up. Thanks ass.


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